Sam Robeson - July 30, 2017
Britney Spears looks like a personal trainer who was found barely alive after a ten-day bender in a lengthy new Instagram video. Her eyes say "I've seen horrors" while her hair says "The South." Fans are constantly combing over Spears' life for proof that she's back in full form, and nothing wets peoples' dicks more than Britney working out in front of the camera. If you thought her being not dead was an accomplishment, just wait until you see her high kick.
The whole thing reads like an axed straight-to-DVD-bin Brooke Hogan Walmart workout video. Actually, I'm not convinced that isn't what this is. The various locations and routines are even accompanied by sick beats from fifty years ago and top-notch camera work. To give credit where credit is due, Spears' tits are looking extra pushed up and her skin couldn't have more of that burnt sienna trailer park glow. The caption reads:
Had a couple of weeks off… ha!! Well, not really… been keeping my body strong and motivating myself everyday!! There’s nothing like mommy and workout time, the beautiful outdoors, and flipping into gear
Don't forget Thorazine laced tatter tots. While Spears has recently gone for the divisive semi-conscious stage stumbling for her lip-syncing shows, she seems to have enough energy to go about her daily life. Maybe she'd rather be an inappropriately dressed, workout-obsessed, sun-damaged soccer mom enjoying her millions of dollars from beautiful locations - instead of being whored out by people who profit off of her? Too bad. Where's the cattle prod.
Photo Credit: Instagram