And The Bride Wore Size Six

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Sam Robeson - February 15, 2018

Congratulations are in order for size six Amy Schumer. Only four months after announcing that she was about to do herself in by dating a chef, Chris Fischer, Schumer has confirmed that she and her eventual cause of death tied the knot in Malibu yesterday just in time for Valentine's Day and a school shooting. After seeing these pictures Fischer probably wishes that he could have had some sort of combined ceremony with the latter event, because they truly, inescapably drive the point home that he is married to Amy Schumer. He, a man with male genitalia who is attracted to women, is married to Amy Schumer. It's like he picked up a potato in the kitchen one day and said "Wow. Now if only you also told unfunny jokes I would wreck you."

Schumer picked out her dress from the lace grill cover collection at Ace Hardware and the event was attended by a ton of celebrities including Chelsea Handler, Jennifer Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Jennifer Lawrence. I recognize many of the women in these wedding pics posted to Schumer's Instagram as terrible comedians that I've been told to like, which is nothing if not a celebration of Schumer's brand. Schumer also incorporated dogs into the ceremony, just in case people had any doubts that she was a thirty-something getting married. But really, I wish them all the best, and I'm just so envious that Schumer had the restraint to fit into this petite dress. That was my wedding present. Congrats you model you.


Photo Credit: Instagram