Bianca Elouise Thongtastic White Bikini

Bianca Elouise’s ass in that bikini looks like a couple of mangoes being held up by a baby Groot. You have to squint and be a little drunk in order to see, but that is what you have to do for all modern art in order to appreciate it. But what the hell is going on with her glasses? It is like a style you would expect to see in a movie from the 80’s that takes place in the future.  

Actually, come to think of it that would actually make it fitting for our current time. But why is it some styles will always seem like they belong in the future, like chrome and spandex? I do not think our society will ever be ready for the reflection of a girl’s spandexed ass reflecting off the chrome of a lifted truck’s tailpipe. It makes for impossible proportions that I could never live up to, no matter what size yoga pants I try to fit into. Much like Amy Schumer’s recent stand-up special, there are some things the world will never be ready for. There is a reason why Costco makes sweatpants and it is for us poor schmucks that prefer tacos to exercise.

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_{Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News}