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Baby Delivered At 7-Eleven Starts New Era In Obstetrics?

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bill-swift - July 12, 2012

The interwebs is talking about a Tampa, Florida baby who was born in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven. Personally I'm not surprised. Have you been to Central Florida lately? It's like Deliverance with a Sun Pass. Apparently, the couple was on their way to the hospital when the little varmint decided to make his appearance. My first thought was, "There is no coming back for that car's upholstery,". My second thought was, "This is totally the solution to the health care problem."

Going to the hospital is expensive. Insurance companies often pay doctors bonuses if they can keep patients from having to go. If you don't have insurance, the out of pocket cost of having a baby can be as high as $20k. Congress should write into Obamacare that they will cover any deliveries done at local convenience stores. It's the obstetrics equivalent of a self serve pump. You drive up to the store and make your way past the cases of Natural Light to the delivery room. Your husband/baby daddy/or available homeless guy then sterilizes his hands with hand sanitizer from aisle 4. To ease the pain he can crush up some Tylenol and put it in a Slushy. You can chew on some beef jerky when the pain gets bad. The baby comes out, the cord is cut with a plastic knife,  and your baby is swaddled in a "One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor" t-shirt. Mazel Tov! Total cost of delivery: $25. Totally worth it.

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