Awesomely Horrible Netflix Instant Films: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

The second in the abhorrent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot series is coming out soon and a whole new generation of kids will become enamored with a crappy TMNT movie the same way we did. The truth is that with as much nostalgia as we feel for the old TMNT movies we are blinded to the fact that they weren't very good at all. The first one was OK, but that's as far as I'll go. The second one, Secret of the Ooze, is almost unwatchable. It has a cameo by Vanilla Ice for crying out loud. But that didn't stop them from making a third movie in the series. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III killed the series for 20 years and with good reason.

The movie takes place in two different time periods, medieval Japan and modern day New York. April O'Neil finds an ancient Japanese scepter in a a flea market that she gives to Splinter. She somehow activates it and is sent back to samurai era Japan and brings this dude named Kenshin into the present. The turtles then travel back in time to save April leaving casey Jones in charge of protecting their place. They arrive in middle-ages Japan and befriend a village of people who learn important future lessons like about pizza. There is an evil lord called Lord Norinaga who wants to use some arms bought from European merchants to defeat his enemies, including the little village. In a scene out of Kurosawa's Seven Samurai only, you know, with turtles they agree to help. They are captured and then have to fight their way out. Lord Norinaga is defeated and they return to their own present time and Kenshin comes back to ancient Japan. 

This movie's plot is not as coherent as I just made it sound. That's filtered through me trying to figure out the salient points. It's better than part II but it's still pretty stupid. And not to be that guy and get offended on behalf of another people, but if I was Japanese I wouldn't be pleased to how my history was portrayed.