phil

Chelsea Handler Sex Tape is Comedy Gold

By phil | April 29, 2010 @ 11:57 am

I've never seen Chelsea Handler's TV show, so I don't know if she's actually funny or not, but it seems her idea of comedy includes making sex tapes. Now that's comedy I can get behind! According to RadarOnline.com, Chelsea Handler made a sex tape 10 years ago that her rep now claims was for a Stand Up comedy act, although how a Stand Up act requires a graphic sex tape is beyond me. Not that I don't want to find out...

Chelsea, who is on all fours on a bed is naked and at several times during the filming she looks directly at the camera. Her breasts are bare and swinging during the sex act. At the end of the "performance", Chelsea's partner speaks in a clear British accent, asking, "Did we get the (bleep) shot?" Chelsea looks into the camera and smiles at this point. Then the tape immediately cuts back into Chelsea continuing her stand-up routine in her apartment.

Now, if you don't think Chelsea Handler getting it from behind with her breasts swinging around is funny, then you don't know comedy. And yes, the appropriate response to comedy is an erection.

We'll bring you more on this as it "comes"... Hehehe.

Scarlett Johansson Needs to Step It Up

By phil | April 28, 2010 @ 1:49 pm

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Okay, I know Iron Man 2 totally sells itself, and Scarlett Johansson doesn't need to get all sexed up to bring in the movie audience, but can't she just do it anyway? Take these Scarlett Johansson pictures from Glamour France. Where's the cleavage? Where's the sex? Where's the Scarlett we used to know and love? Yes, she's still super hot. I'm not saying she isn't. I just want to see more of it! Oh, and how the hell did they manage to make her breasts look so small in that top pic?

Doutzen Kroes Bikini Picture(s)

By phil | April 28, 2010 @ 12:20 pm

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I was hoping for more than just one Doutzen Kroes bikini picture from this month's Harper's Bazaar, but like the song says, you can't always get what you want. Is it a sign of the times that they could only afford to publish one picture? Or did they really just need the page space to teach you how to pack a bikini and a pair of flip-flops as if you're some kind of retarded monkey that can't even figure out from common sense what you should pack for the beach? This is why the magazine industry is in decline. Also, sites like this republishing every goddam image on the web for free...

Lizzy Caplan’s Hotness isn’t that Complex

By phil | April 28, 2010 @ 11:29 am

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While it isn't quite on par with a Lizzy Caplan nude video, these Lizzy Caplan pictures from Complex magazine are still pretty sexy. Of course, I would much prefer to see Lizzy Caplan naked again, but seeing her in her bra isn't bad either. Basically, what I'm saying, and what I've pretty much been saying for the last five years, is half naked women is good, but completely naked women is better. It isn't that complex.

I Was Expecting More from Scarlett Johansson

By phil | April 27, 2010 @ 1:51 pm

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Scarlett Johansson looked pretty damn good at the Iron Man 2 premiere last night, and since it's been a while since we've had any Scarlett pics, I'm posting these, even though she isn't naked, or in a bikini, or all sexed up in some men's mag. Still, I was hoping for a bit more on the sexy side from her. Used to be, Scarlett could show up anywhere and she was instantly the hottest woman in the room. Don't get me wrong, she's still super hot, but she just can't compare to Helena Mattsson (and her nipple slip). Still, at least we've got a little Scarlett Johansson side boob action going on. It's not much, but it's better than nothing.

Also, what's up with the weird way Scarlett stands? The last few pictures here are just a few of the very many shots where her legs look completely retarded.

Olivia Munn Nude Can Make Me Do Anything

By phil | April 27, 2010 @ 12:45 pm

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Okay, so here's the deal, whatever Olivia Munn wants, she gets. So long as she's willing to get naked for it. And after seeing Olivia Munn nude in this PETA ad to boycott the Wringling Bros. Circus for it's mistreatment of elephants, you can bet your ass I'm not going to the circus anymore. Not that I was ever actually planning to, but still. Now, no way. And by the way, Olivia, I was serious. You get naked, and I'll do anything you want. ANYTHING.

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Helena Mattsson Nipple Slip Can Defeat Iron Man

By phil | April 27, 2010 @ 12:18 pm

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Okay, so I wrote this whole post before noticing that there is a Helena Mattsson nipple slip in the very last picture. So I'm changing the title from "Helena Mattsson is the Hottest Woman Alive" to "Helena Mattsson Nipple Slip Can Defeat Iron Man." It only seems appropriate. Here is the original post:

It's official, I have just declared it, Helena Mattsson is the Hottest Woman Alive. Or Most Beautiful Woman Ever. Or the Hottest Most Beautiful Woman Who Has Ever Been in the History of Ever and the Universe. But really, you try arguing this after seeing these pictures of the Swedish-born Helena Mattsson (and her cleavage!) at the Iron Man 2 premiere. Scarlett Johansson, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Olivia Munn were all there, and while they are still some of the hottest women around, they couldn't hold a candle to the glory that is Helena Mattsson. And no, I've never heard of her either.