Fact: Dick jokes never fail. Especially, if those dick jokes involve fake old man penises getting caught in vending machines…which appears to be the crux of the new Jackass vehicle Bad Grandpa.
The film, which will clearly be a contender at all of the highest of high brow European art and independent cinema festivals this year, stars Johnny Knoxville in his Irving Zisman persona (the old man with the old man problems). Mr. Zisman gets tasked with taking his young grandson Billy on a cross-country trip to live with his father. What follows is a series of hidden-camera pranks, pratfalls, and killer dick jokes.
Clearly, this is the plot that the previous three Jackass flicks were looking for all those years. Bad Grandpa hits theaters this Friday.
Alright you primitive screw-heads, listen-up: Not long ago, Evil Dead remake director Fede Alvarez spilled the beans that Sam Raimi was making Army Of Darkness 2. Sure sure, because the internet is a cruel bitchgoddess of misinformation, we all only popped tentative boners. But now…now it’s looking like we can go full-chub: Bruce Campbell confirmed that it is officially on.
He told the (very likely tiny) crowd at Wizard World Nashville Comic Con when they asked him about it:
The last one was twenty-two years ago. I just haven’t been racing to do it. Sam Raimi is just a little bit busy making the biggest movies in Hollywood. I used to be busy. Now I’m not. That’s why I’m here.
He then joked about the possibilities of an almost elderly Ash:
Ash would have to stop occasionally from chasing some deadite to catch his breath. Maybe we could do that, I guess. That would be exciting. Fight in a walker. That would be alright. Hit them with my cane. Fake them out, have a fake heart attack, distract a zombie. I like it.
Ok. Funny. But, what about the official confirming confirmation? Thankfully, he wrapped up with it, ‘Alright sir, the answer is yes.’
Phew. It’s not a trick. (I’m still getting an ax.)
Conan O’Brien revealed evidence last night that an apocalypse of some kind is just on the horizon and it involves some sort of body-snatching clones.
First off, Mike Myers and his wife Kelly Tisdale are expecting a child. Aw, ain’t that sweet? Sure. Whatever. What is not sweet is the blindly insane carbon copy response that every newscaster in the country decided to use. You can imagine what it was. The supercut of all of them…all strung together makes me think I should be prepping pretty hard for doomsday. The robots / body-snatchers are pretty much ready to take over. Either that or all of the news in the country is written by one dude in a bunker somewhere near the the earth’s core.
See y’all at the Lake of Fire, bros.
There is a whole category of movies that are meant to be watched on basic cable while doing other things. These flicks are the same ones you find available on flights over two hours and packaged with similar DVD’s in the grocery check-out. This is Escape Plan.
Much like Lone Wolf McQuade, Maximum Overdrive, and Kurt Russell‘s entire catalog between the years 1979 and 1989, Escape Plan is the type of flick you watch hungover, stoned off your balls (literal or figurative), in a pile of Taco Bell wrappers and Cheeto crumbs, in your own living room.
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Ok. Fine. It’s not really a parody at all, it’s the actual trailer. Check it.
Anderson and Co. have fiddled with their Twee and Quaint meters and they’ve somehow gotten both of those things stuck way past eleven. Let’s see what we’ve got here: Anachronistic Time Period Setting? Check. Slow Motion Tracking Shots? Check. Capering? Check. Bandying About? Check. Quirky People Being Blase About Intense Emotional Things? Check. It’s all there. Also all there is Soairse Ronan, and a smattering of his mainstays: Bill Murray, Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, and so on and so forth.
I suppose that’s what people see his movies for now anyways. I mean, Quaint might actually be a good thing after all, what the f*ck do I know? I’m also contractually obligated to see every Bill Murray movie. It’s the law.
Woah. Sit down for a second, guys. Episode 1704 of South Park will not air tonight. Which is a major first for the usually on-the-ball team of writers, animators and overall geniuses over at South Park Studios.
Apparently, on Tuesday night their Marina Del Rey, California headquarters lost power for a few crucial hours. For the past few years, South Park has been making each show in the week before it airs — a move that allows their satirical content to remain as fresh as possible. If you’ve seen the documentary about their process 6 Days to Air, you know that finishing an episode often comes right down to the wire. It’s not a shocker that a hiccup as huge as a power outage can completely destroy an episode.
A statement on their website read:
From animation to rendering to editing and sound, all of our computers were down for hours and we were unable to finish episode 1704 ‘Goth Kids 3: Dawn of the Posers’ in time for air tonight. Trey Parker said, ‘It sucks to miss an air date but after all these years of tempting fate by delivering the show last minute, I guess it was bound to happen.’
I mean, you were probably going to watch it at work tomorrow anyways. Now you’ll have to watch it on your computer at work next week — which is still a bummer. Tonight, they’ll just be showing a repeat of the wonderfully evil episode Scott Tenorman Must Die.
It’s like King Henry the Vth said to his troops on the eve of battle at Agincourt, “Fart jokes. Kill ‘em with fart jokes.” And those clever-asses over at Bad Lip Reading gave Game of Thrones the old mash-up lip-reading treatment. And they are killing us with killer fart jokes.
Have you ever wondered what GOT would be like as a wacky summer-camp type of comedy? One set at a medieval-themed amusement park? They done it. Complete with the return of Eddie Stark, the beleaguered owner, added bits of appropriate CGI, and Peter Dinklage going full smooth-talking wankster.
It is pure joy on every level.