Back in the mists of time known as the 90′s, a Christian fiction book series came out that transcended the genre to become an international bestseller. That was the Left Behind series which tells a fictionalized version of what many Evangelical Christians believe is what is about to happen to hasten the end of the world and the second coming of Christ. They were already made into a series of low budget schlock-filled films starring the one and only Kirk Cameron. They are bad, REAL bad. Now imagine that you took only the beginning of the books, before all the fun Anti-Christ stuff, and added Nicholas Cage. Yeah.
Nick Cage plays Nick Cage as a pilot who is flying a plane when the rapture happens. He reacts in his usual calm and collected manner as he and reporter Handsome Chiseledchin…er…Chad Michael Murray try to calm the passengers who are freaking out because, you know, the rapture. Mini Me is also there for some reason. Meanwhile, his estranged daughter back on Earth deals with her mom and brother having been taken up in the rapture. She realizes that her mom was right all along and that she effed up in rejecting Christ. Whoops! Then it’s up to her for some reason to help her dad Nick Cage to land the plane. He crashes it but no one gets hurt and then the movie ends.
Honestly, I saw both versions of Left Behind and as crappy as it was I have to say that the Kirk Cameron version was better. Though it had considerably less of a budget the storytelling was much clearer, it was a lot more exciting, and I think did a better job of entertaining as well as getting the obvious message across. You know you have problems when Kirk Cameron makes you look bad.
Gigi Hadid knows what Instagram is for: posting bikini pics. (TMZ)
It’s the Beyonce leg show in a pink leather skirt. (Huffington Post)
Nicki Minaj is in a see-through dress because Nicki Minaj. (Drunken Stepfather)
Padma Lakshmi shows off her killer cleav in a yellow dress. (Hollywood Tuna)
Emma Stone‘s legs, thighs, and slip prominently featured. (Popoholic)
You can get away with having a messy room if you’re hot. (The Chive)
Emily Ratajkowski always gets my pressure up. (COED)
Nicole Murphy was looking MILFtacularly hot in a jungle themed bikini in Miami. Nicole is one seriously hot cougar and I only wish I was a) single b) young enough for her and c) better looking so she’d look my way. But since none of that is true I am going to have to content myself with looking at her bikini pics. Nicole has an amazing rack that looks highly motorboatable. Seriously, I wouldn’t mind going to town on those bad boys. I’m a boob man since way back and I know a good thing when I see it. But let’s not forget that booty. I do so love a woman with an hourglass shape. Her booty is just my kind of thing and I could watch her walking away any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
That Eddie Murphy is a damn fool for letting her slip through his fingers. That plus all the bad movies he’s made in the last fifteen years. What happened? He used to be magnificent.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
The lovely Marissa Everhart sported a thong bikini and not much else to shill expensive water for storied purveyors of pictures of half-naked women 138 Water. At first she was wearing a bikini top that could barely contain her massive yum yums. She does have a tremendous rack, after all, and mere fabric is stretched to its limits trying to corral those bad boys. Then she dispenses with the top and just uses her arm or a strategically placed bottle to cover her nips. There is sideboob for the ages, my friends. But with all this talk of boobs let’s not forget how totally amazing her booty looks. I bet she leaves perfect heart-shaped divots in the sand with that caboose.
You know, we write about these 138 Water shoots a lot but I’ve never tried the stuff. I wonder if it’s any good or if it only exists as an excuse to have women take off their clothes.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Arm Bra, Thongs
We all know that dinosaurs have more in common with modern birds than they do with reptiles. Some scientists even believe that dinosaurs sported feathers rather than scales and fur. But 65 million years ago Jesus rode down on an asteroid or whatever and wiped the dinosaurs out. The survivors slowly evolved into that pigeon that stole your sandwich in Madison Square Park. But scientists, being the scamps that they are, decided to mess with the DNA of a modern chicken by seeing if with a few genetic switcheroos they could make it grow the face of a dinosaur. And guess what? It EFFING DID. The dinochicken looks most like a FRIGGIN’ VELOCIRAPTOR. You know, the incredibly intelligent killers from Jurassic Park. Yeah.
The purpose of the experiment was to see how the beak evolved from the dinosaur snout. But we all know that the military or KFC is going to take over this experiment and create an army of dinochickens. The way I see it we have a mixture scenario as Hitchcock’s The Birds and Jurassic Park. Whatever it is it won’t be pretty. And by not pretty I mean that our entrails will be ripped out with their sharp beak-teeth.
Jose Canseco’s daughter Josie Canseco wants to be an SI model. We approve. (TMZ)
Bras are for suckers with no boobs. (The Chive)
Jennifer Lopez wears a sheer black gown and it is amazeballs. (Huffington Post)
Britney Snow in just a bra? Don’t mind if I do. (Drunken Stepfather)
Jamie Chung puts on a one woman leg show. (Hollywood Tuna)
Rosie Huntington-Whitely isn’t a supermodel for nothing. (Popoholic)
Anastasia Ashley shows off her incredible bikini body. (The Superficial)
Oooh, Olivia Munn. You get my pressure up in the best way possible. Ever since I first saw you being all sexy and funny on the Daily Show I’ve wanted to get to know you in a mommy/daddy sheet monster time kind of way. Though that will probably not happen, I can admire pics like these of you and dream. First of all, Olivia has got some of the best yabbos of anyone around the Hollywood scene. They are large and delectable. I’d like to have a plaster mold made of her boobage and placed above the mantel at my apartment. She’s also got a tight and toned abdomen as seen in the bare mid-riff pics. But let’s not forget those long luxurious legs. I wouldn’t mind having those laying next to me on a cold winter’s night.
But I digress. What I do know is that she needs to move to the doing nude scenes for art phase of her career. Like, now.
Photo Credit: Prestige Hong Kong