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Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com, Tuvez.com, Egotastic.com, and WWTDD.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife and two cats.

Nicole Murphy Cleavy In A Jungle Bikini In Miami

Nicole Murphy was looking MILFtacularly hot in a jungle themed bikini in Miami. Nicole is one seriously hot cougar and I only wish I was a) single b) young enough for her and c) better looking so she’d look my way. But since none of that is true I am going to have to content myself with looking at her bikini pics. Nicole has an amazing rack that looks highly motorboatable. Seriously, I wouldn’t mind going to town on those bad boys. I’m a boob man since way back and I know a good thing when I see it. But let’s not forget that booty. I do so love a woman with an hourglass shape. Her booty is just my kind of thing and I could watch her walking away any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

That Eddie Murphy is a damn fool for letting her slip through his fingers. That plus all the bad movies he’s made in the last fifteen years. What happened? He used to be magnificent.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Marissa Everhart Thong Bikini And Arm Bra For Water Sales

The lovely Marissa Everhart sported a thong bikini and not much else to shill expensive water for storied purveyors of pictures of half-naked women 138 Water. At first she was wearing a bikini top that could barely contain her massive yum yums. She does have a tremendous rack, after all, and mere fabric is stretched to its limits trying to corral those bad boys. Then she dispenses with the top and just uses her arm or a strategically placed bottle to cover her nips. There is sideboob for the ages, my friends. But with all this talk of boobs let’s not forget how totally amazing her booty looks. I bet she leaves perfect heart-shaped divots in the sand with that caboose.

You know, we write about these 138 Water shoots a lot but I’ve never tried the stuff. I wonder if it’s any good or if it only exists as an excuse to have women take off their clothes.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Scientists Create Dino-Chicken/Hasten Our Doom

We all know that dinosaurs have more in common with modern birds than they do with reptiles. Some scientists even believe that dinosaurs sported feathers rather than scales and fur. But 65 million years ago Jesus rode down on an asteroid or whatever and wiped the dinosaurs out. The survivors slowly evolved into that pigeon that stole your sandwich in Madison Square Park. But scientists, being the scamps that they are, decided to mess with the DNA of a modern chicken by seeing if with a few genetic switcheroos they could make it grow the face of a dinosaur. And guess what? It EFFING DID. The dinochicken looks most like a FRIGGIN’ VELOCIRAPTOR. You know, the incredibly intelligent killers from Jurassic Park. Yeah.

The purpose of the experiment was to see how the beak evolved from the dinosaur snout. But we all know that the military or KFC is going to take over this experiment and create an army of dinochickens. The way I see it we have a mixture scenario as Hitchcock’s The Birds and Jurassic Park. Whatever it is it won’t be pretty. And by not pretty I mean that our entrails will be ripped out with their sharp beak-teeth.

Josie Canseco Belongs In A Bikini And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Jose Canseco’s daughter Josie Canseco wants to be an SI model. We approve. (TMZ)

Bras are for suckers with no boobs. (The Chive)

Jennifer Lopez wears a sheer black gown and it is amazeballs. (Huffington Post)

Britney Snow in just a bra? Don’t mind if I do. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jamie Chung puts on a one woman leg show. (Hollywood Tuna)

Rosie Huntington-Whitely isn’t a supermodel for nothing. (Popoholic)

Anastasia Ashley shows off her incredible bikini body. (The Superficial)

Olivia Munn-tastic Treats For Prestige Magazine

Oooh, Olivia Munn. You get my pressure up in the best way possible. Ever since I first saw you being all sexy and funny on the Daily Show I’ve wanted to get to know you in a mommy/daddy sheet monster time kind of way. Though that will probably not happen, I can admire pics like these of you and dream. First of all, Olivia has got some of the best yabbos of anyone around the Hollywood scene. They are large and delectable. I’d like to have a plaster mold made of her boobage and placed above the mantel at my apartment. She’s also got a tight and toned abdomen as seen in the bare mid-riff pics. But let’s not forget those long luxurious legs. I wouldn’t mind having those laying next to me on a cold winter’s night.

But I digress. What I do know is that she needs to move to the doing nude scenes for art phase of her career. Like, now.

Photo Credit: Prestige Hong Kong

Ellie Goulding Wears Mesh Shirt And Tiny Shorts While Stepping Out In London

British singer and certifiable hottie Ellie Goulding went out on the town in London wearing a particularly provocative outfit. She had on a mesh top that have us a full view of her bra underneath. Ellie has got a seriously nice set of crumpets on her. They are the kind of ta-tas that a man can see himself taking out to a nice steak dinner and then motorboating until dawn. Hot women should take a cue from Ellie and think about wearing more see-through tops this summer. As if that wasn’t enough, she also had on a pair of short shorts that ended just south of her hoo-ha. Her long silky legs were prominently displayed. I wouldn’t mind having those bad boys wrapped around me in the wee hours of the morning.

But that is just a dream. In the meantime I can look at these pics and imagine how sweet a dream it would be.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/PacificCoastNews

The New Hamburglar Just Gets Weirder And Weirder

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Last week I told you about how McDonald’s is trying to appeal to, I guess men like me in their mid to late thirties, by updating the Hamburglar into a suburban hipster dad. He’s really excited about McDonald’s new sirloin burger and this causes him to come out of retirement and go back to his first love: stealing hamburgers. The problem is that he’s now married and has kids with a soul-crushing suburban lifestyle. In this ad, he is repeatedly interrupted by his nagging wife who wants him to pick up stuff for a kid’s birthday party. But he wants to sneak around and steal burgers. Why can’t his naggy wife just understand? Because McDonald’s is stuck in some old entertainment tropes of the naggy wife that destroyed the man’s dreams.

The Hamburglar has no one to blame for his lame life but himself. If the girl he was dating wasn’t supportive of his need to steal hamburgers, then he shouldn’t have married her. No one forced him to move to the suburbs and stop being a burger thief but himself. We are all responsible for the choices we make in life and clearly he decided that burger theft was less important than living the suburban dad lifestyle. Don’t blame the wife for “entrapping” him, he should only blame himself.