Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com, Tuvez.com, Egotastic.com, and WWTDD.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife and two cats.
Kayla Swift used her prodigious jugs to sell really expensive water in this photoshoot for 138 Water. This young lady has been blessed by the good Lord with a magnificent pair of ta-tas. She was wearing a white t-shirt that was damp with the priceless H2O. The coldness of the day made her nipples stand at attention. She also has quite a fantastic booty. I’d like to wear it as a hat. I really like this 138 Water campaign. I’m not entirely sure what hot chicks and boobs has to do with proper hydration but it works. The reason it does is because boobs make anything better. That is a scientific fact.
I want to frolic on the beach with her in her wet t-shirt. Maybe riding on horses. Yeah, like in the Black Stallion.
In the annals of boob history there have perhaps been no funbags of the magnitude of Pamela Anderson. She and Amber Rose were turning heads at a Rolling Stones exhibit opening. Pam Anderson’s boobs have only gotten better like wine. They are the Platonic form of the perfect breast. I mean, just look at them. I remember going to the theater in the mid-90′s to see Barbed Wire starring Pam. Was it a good movie? No. Did I enjoy seeing her boobage 20 feet tall. But it wasn’t all the Pamela boob show. Amber Rose was sporting a see-through skirt. Holy mother of sweet cheeks she’s got a fine behind. She had on a nice thong on and she was showing more whale tail than a whaling expedition.
I wish that I had been there. Why don’t I ever get invited to these kinds of parties? I’m cool….aren’t I?
I’ve always been a boob man ever since I first felt those kinds of feelings in my wiener so many years ago. I come from a long line of boob men. My dad and grandfather were boob men and I would venture to guess that one day my son will be a boob man as well. But most Americans don’t share my affinity and prefer the booty. Porn megasites Youporn and Pornhub have reported that most of America is all about that bass. With the exception of the middle-west and the northern part of New England, butts are more searched than boobs. What’s really interesting is when you take it worldwide. North and South America is mostly butt loving except for Canada and Argentina. Most of Europe and Asia are boob lovers while Africa and the Middle East are fans of the booty.
I think we can build on this information. The folks in the Middle East are always at each other’s throats but they could come together in their mutual appreciation for the derriere. In fact, we here in the U.S. also have that in common with the people of that region. I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
I remember back in Jr. High, when young ladies were blossoming into womanhood, that there was a lot of anxiety about boob size. These were the days when gals stuffed their bras with tissue paper to try and not look flat-chested. In time most girls were satisfied with their ta-tas once they were fully grown. Some, but not all. Well, my friends in the itty bitty titty committee, all you need to do is go to Japan to fix that problem. A woman named Takiko Shindo, who is known as the “boob goddess” has invented a kind of boob rake meant to enlarge the mammaries of those who don’t want to go the surgical route. It’s called the Oppai Taisou, which translates into “boob exercise massage”. How does it work? It stimulates the pectoral muscles and ligaments that hold the boobs up. Think of it as a kind of push-up for hooters.
Of course, it probably doesn’t work. Dr. Barry Handler, a boobies expert, says:
“There are ligaments in breast tissue that stretch over time. But once they stretch, they don’t snap back. Ligaments aren’t like muscles — there’s no contractible property.”
But I guess there is no harm in using a rake to jiggle boobies, which let’s face it, is what this is all about.
Oh, Ariana Grande. I never thought that I would be attracted in a sexy sexual way to a girl who regularly wears cat ears. But I can’t help it. I just want to pet you and give you a saucer of milk. At the Q102 Jingle Ball she was sporting a typically sexy Ariana Grande outfit. A skirt so short that you can see her entire legs? Check. Lots of fantastic bare midriff? Yes, sir. And cleavage the likes of which few can rival? Double check! Sweet Jebus, she makes me think naughty thoughts. I honestly couldn’t tell you an Ariana Grande song if it was jacked directly into my head like in The Matrix.
What I do know is that I hope people keeping buying her albums so that I continue to fantasize about making her purr and beg for Whicka Lickins.
My grandmother used to say that we all have a special talent inside. For some of us it’s art or business and for others it’s something useful like being able to control your boobies with your mind. Sara X has such a power. She ties a pair of bell strands to her breasts and she can play Jingle Bells with her boobies. Nothing says Christmastime like a gal who can play beloved carols with her funbags. I for one certainly feel like I’m more of the holiday spirit since watching this video. I think that boobie carols should become part of everyone’s holiday festivities. I wonder if Sara knows the dreidel song?
All I know is that Sara X is hella talented. I mean, I’m no talent scout but I think she has a real future playing music with her ta-tas.