JackWebsite

Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com , Tuvez.com , Egotastic.com , and Directorslive.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife Marybec and two cats.

Alessandra Ambrosio Simply Hot MILF In Mommy Jeans

You want to know the magnitude of Alessandra Ambrosio's hottness? She looks good even in mom jeans. No one looks good in mom jeans but she pulls it off. Alessandra is the incarnation, the Platonic form, of MILFatude. I would gladly F that mom. Sure, it's nice when Alessandra is in a bikini or lingerie but she can't dress like that all the time...unfortunately. There is something to be said for finding the hotness in the mundane. Plus, you can come up with all kinds of fantasy scenarios. Like she's the bored housewife and you are the mailman with a package to delver. She tries to resit your sexy blue shorts but can't. Then you rip off the mom jeans...you get the point. At least she gave us a nice view of her bare midriff. Alessandra gives very good 'riff, (which is an abbreviation of midriff I just made up).

But seriously folks, don't judge a woman by her mom jeans. Underneath those baggy light blue denims she might be packing some serious heat.

Underoos For Adults?

There is nothing hotter than a sexy piece of underwear. A girl in a lacey bra and panties makes my heart go all a twitter. I'm not sure what qualifies as sexy underwear in men. Some ladies like Speedos while others enjoy plain old cotton boxers. I myself go for boxer briefs in various colors. What I am 100% isn't sexy is adult Underoos. The classic makers of children's underpants in the 80's has made a deal with Hot Topic, (natch), to market a line of Underoos for adults. They will feature such iconic heroes and villains as Superman, Captain America, He-Man, Skeletor, Harley Quinn, and Batgirl. They are trying to cash in on the craze for nerd nostalgia. The good thing is that my earlier point is moot because whatever geek is sporting these drawers is not getting laid anyway. So, I guess that works out. I hope they come in both painfully skinny and morbidly obese sizes because that's who wants to wear it.

I admit that I've fallen for a lot of this nerdcore crap in my day. My weakness is for Star Wars crap. Any turd that George Lucas slaps a Yoda onto has been purchased by me. But I'm trying to be more discerning and less fooled by stupid nostalgia. But the flesh is weak.

Miley Meets Uncle Terry And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Say what you want about Miley Cyrus, she looks hot in these Terry Richardson pics. (Drunken Stepfather)

Abigail Ratchford's funbags are so big they don't fit in a bra. (TMZ)

Brooke Perry wears a bikini like a champ. (Hollywood Tuna)

Iris Kavka sports a tiny swimsuit because it's her job. (Popoholic)

Kat Torres shills her ta-tas for expensive water. (The Superficial)

These outtakes from the Perelli calander are fantastically hot. (COED)

This is Jessica Cediel and these are her chichis. (Celebslam)

Kendra Wilkinson Shows Off Her Ta-Tas In A Black Swimsuit

Former "Girl Next Door" Kendra Wilkinson was displaying her magnificent funbags in a revealing black swimsuit on a beach in Australia. Kendra's swimsuit had a zipper opening in the front that went down to her stomach, and it was fully unzipped. The result is some cleav for the ages. I remember watching her show back in the day and very much enjoying seeing Kendra flit about in skimpy outfits. Her spreads in Playboy were also a thing of beauty. I hear she's back on the market these days. I'd like to think that some lucky bastard will sweep her off her feet and give her boobies the appreciation they deserve. That last dude is a fool for letting a once in a millennium pair of knockers slip through his fingers. As I recall her husband wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

What I do know is that I enjoy her chest puppies a great deal and hope that now that she's single we're going to be seeing a lot more of them.

Lady Gaga Lookin’ Sexy Weird In A Black Sheer Lace Outfit

The always interesting, very sexy Lady Gaga was looking particularly hot in a see-through black lace ensemble in Manchester. Her Gaganess was walking her dog in basically her underwear. You know, like you do. She had on lacey panties and silk stockings that left little to the imagination. The top part of the sheer "dress" had slit on the boobie section which gave you a peek-a-boo view of most of her funbags. I know a lot of people get turned off by Lady Gaga with her meat dresses or when she looks like an alien or whatever but I think she's super sexy. Maybe it's weird that I am attracted to a girl that often looks like a drag queen from outer space. I just like a girl with curves and Lady Gaga has that in spades.

If this is her dog walking outfit you have to wonder what she wears to lounge around the house. Probably a Marie Antoinette style dress made out of garbage bags or something.

Jose Canseco’s Magic Finger

Last week baseball legend and walking funny story generator Jose Canseco accidentally shot himself in the hand. He blew off one of his fingers and had to have it surgically reattached. One might think that that would be the end of the story but there was more adventures to be had. The finger fell off while Jose was playing poker in Las Vegas. Let me write that again: Jose Canseco's finger, the one he had reattached a week ago, just fell off during a poker game. I imagine when it fell off onto a stack of chips that no one called that bet. But let Jose tell you the tale via Twitter, spelling mistakes and all:

"Dam I was playing in a poker tournament last night and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on. I knew something crazy was going to happen with this dam finger cause it felt like it was falling off. Ok well I might as well tell you .I was playing in a poker tournament last night and my finger fell off .someone took a video of it. This guy called my agent and sold him the video.of my finger falling off .it looks kinda funny.lol. I want to see the video I haven't even seen it yet ."

Jose Canseco is like a walking gross-out comedy come to life. Why no one has pitched a reality show starring him is beyond me...wait...I have some phone calls to make.

(Photo Via Instagram)

Jessica Simpson Is Seriously Leggy And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Jessica Simpson was looking all kinds of leggy and busty in a gold dress. (Hollywood Tuna)

Behold Laura Cremeschi in a tiny bikini! (TMZ)

Katy Perry makes my crotch soar in this seagull bikini. (Huffington Post)

Nicki Minaj shows off her big ol funbags on the set of her new video. (Drunken Stepfather)

Nicole Scherzinger has some killer curves, y'all. (Popoholic)

Say what you want, but Tila Tequila covered topless and preggers is still hot. (The Superficial)

Jacklyn Adalene is a sportscaster. She's also REALLY hot. (Busted Coverage)