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Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com , Tuvez.com , Egotastic.com , and Directorslive.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife Marybec and two cats.

Kim Kardashian’s Booty In Cutoff Denim Shorts In LA

Kim Kardashian wore an outfit on a Taco Bell date with Kanye West that showed off all of her best assets. First, she was sporting a pair of cut-off shorts that accentuated that legendary booty. Seriously, in the history of booties going back to the beginning of time has there been a greater butt than that of Kim K? I think not. Then she wore a sweater that had its entire back missing to further show off her amazing curves. Of course, she also forgot to wear a bra and she was nipping fiercely through the sweater's front.

Usually, when I go to Taco Bell I am just wearing sweatpants and an old Legend of Zelda t-shirt. Leave it to Kim to make even a run for the border an opportunity to sexy it up. Kanye got a Beefarito with fire sauce and his hotty wife on the side.

Selena Gomez Works A Swimsuit And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Selena Gomez knows how to use Instagram better than anyone else ever. (Popoholic)

Kim Kardashian, her bare back, nips, and booty went on a Taco Bell date with Kanye. (TMZ)

Remember when Madonna and Britney Spears made out and it was hot? (Huffington Post)

Maryna Linchuk nekkid in Allure Russia. That is all. (Drunken Stepfather)

Paris Hilton shows off her bare mid-riff to the world. (Hollywood Tuna)

Can I interest you in some nekkid Adrianne Curry? (The Superficial)

Celebrate Candice Swanepoel's birthday with a sexy Instagram retrospective. (COED)

Today In Japanese Perversion: Sex Doll Drink Dispenser

Bonzai!

Remember in A Clockwork Orange when the lads are at the Moloko Milk Bar and they get their drinks dispensed from a mannequin's boobies? Well, now this nightmarish idea from the fevered brain of Anthony Burgess has become a reality thanks to the Japanese being freaky deakies. They've taken a creepy realistic looking sex doll and made it a drink dispenser. You can massage the right breast while the left funbag pours you a refreshing beverage. Now, I know there is nothing wrong with breast milk and that it's perfectly natural and good to gain sustenance from a female breast...if you are a baby...and the breast isn't rubber. I don't care what awesome drink you've loaded up in those jubblies, I don't want to be reminded of breast feeding when I'm drinking my liquor. Maybe I'm just boring?

What I do know is that if my best man had pulled one of these out at my bachelor party he no longer would have been my best man.

Beyonce Showing Off Her Legs Outside Harry’s Bar in London

Beyonce showed up at Harry's Bar in London and forgot to bring her pants. Well, I doubt she forgot. She probably figured there would be paps there to take pictures of her best feature: her legs. They are quite extraordinary. Her thighs would win the Pepsi challenge against pretty much any other thighs out there. They are curvy but still muscular from all of that dancing and whatnot. Beyonce and I are both from Houston and we've grown up together, in a way. She grew up into a sexy international pop star and me into a chubby writer who chronicles the hottness of celebrities like her. I've had a major thing for her since I first saw her perform with Destiny's Child when we were both teenagers. Now we both live in New York City but I keep my distance. Jay Z scares me. A lot.

I have to resign myself to admiring her from afar and dreaming of what could have been had we met before she was famous and if she had a thing for nerdy Cuban guys.

Alessandra Ambrosio Bares Midriff At Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch

The always sexy Alessandra Ambrosio was spotted at Mr. Bones Pumpkin Patch in West Hollywood with her bare-midriff on display for all the boys and girls. Because Alessandra is pretty much perfect in every single way, her stomach is also a masterpiece. It is flat, toned, and tight. Any day in which I get to see some Alessandra Ambrosio skin is a good one. Of all the myriad models that come across my desk here at Egotastic, I have to say that she is my favorite. She's just so fre-a-kin' hot. I often wonder if I had the opportunity to lay with someone as hot as Alessandra how I would perform. Chances are it wouldn't last long. I don't imagine any guy could go the distance with Alessandra. That's sad for her but pretty awesome for whatever lucky bastard gets to touch her jubblies.

I wonder what she's going to go as for Halloween? Hopefully, she'll opt to do one of those costumes where you just dress in underwear and a pair of animal ears.

Soooo, Vampires Are Real

Blah!

I've gotten pretty sick of vampires. They've reached maximum saturation I would say. With Twilight, True Blood, Dracula Untold, etc. it's really enough already. I mean, it doesn't really matter, right? It's not like vampires are real, right? WRONG! Apparently, an archaeologist in Bulgaria has found a real vampire grave. The person was dug up in the ancient Thracian city of Perperikon and was found with a metal spike driven through their chest nailing them to the ground. They did this in order to keep the fiendish bloodsucker from rising from the grave to feast on the living. Nikolai Ovcharov, the head archaeologist said,

"We have no doubts that once again we’re seeing an anti-vampire ritual being carried out."

ONCE AGAIN? How many friggin' vampire graves has this guy found? Is it just in Bulgaria or do I have to worry about vampires in Brooklyn like that movie where Eddie Murphy had a mullet?

Emma Stone In “Cabaret” Lingerie Hotness And Other Fine Things To Ogle

Check out these sexy pics of Emma Stone in lingerie for "Cabaret". (Drunken Stepfather)

Say what you want about Lance Armstrong, his girlfriend Anna Hansen is hot. (TMZ)

Selena Gomez is cleavtastic in a blue dress going to the Jimmy Kimmel show. (Hollywood Tuna)

Georgia Fowler in a bikini is just what you need today. (Popoholic)

Britney Spears looks 2002 amazing in a crop top shirt. (The Superficial)

Courtney Stodden, her boobs, and her dogs went out on the town. (Dlisted)

Kerry Washington shows off now makeup and big cleav for Allure Magazine. (Huffington Post)