Jack Website

Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com, Tuvez.com, Egotastic.com, and WWTDD.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife and two cats.

Alyssa Barbara Lingerie Fun And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Alyssa Barbara sporting lingerie makes me happy in my swimsuit area. (Hollywood Tuna)

Hottie Janice Griffith jumps off a roof nekkid. That is all. (TMZ)

Let’s take a look back at all the Kim Kardashian selfies of 2014. (Huffington Post)

Adult film stars read “How The Grinch Stole Christmas”. (Drunken Stepfather)

Sweet Jesus, Daniela Lopez Osorio in a bikini is amazing. (Popoholic)

Emily Ratjkowski bounces around in lingerie in this music video. (The Superficial)

Kate Upton was the most Googled model of 2014. Let’s see why. (COED)

The Tim Burton Porno Parody Is Here

I am a very big fan of Tim Burton’s early work. Everything from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure to Sleepy Hollow is damn fine and entertaining. I just love wacky Gothic film, I guess. After the abominable Planet of the Apes, he’s been hit or miss. Big Fish was pretty good but that Alice in Wonderland movie made me want to punch him in the throat. But, as we all know, you are not successful as a filmmaker until your style is incorporated into a porno. This porn parody by the folks at Nacho Punch tells the tale of Edward Skimmerhands, a pool boy who has a sexy run-in with his sultry client. It doesn’t have any nudity, alas, but it’s still pretty funny.

I remember seeing a porn version of Edward Scissorhands 20 years ago when I was perusing a pornography emporium with some friends. It was called Edward Penishands and he had…well…penises for hands. It’s not subtle but it works.

Khloe Kardashian’s Big Booty In A Leather Skirt

There are eternal questions that mankind has pondered for generations: who are we? Why are we here? Which Kardashian/Jenner has the best butt? For my money, and I know this is controversial, the title of the ultimate Kardashian booty goes to Khloe Kardashian. It looks especially magnificent in this tight black leather skirt. These K & J gals are great because they’ll put on provocative outfits just to go fill up their car. I’m surprised the heat of her booty didn’t ignite the gasoline fumes. Booty heat is just as dangerous as static electricity at the pump. I do so love Khloe’s booty. How much? I’m going to write a booty haiku.

Khloe Kardashian,

Your booty is better than

Kim’s, the wind blows through.

Photo Credit: GSI / Splash News / FameFlyNet / PCN

Naomi Campbell Sexy Lingerie Shoot for Agent Provocateur

Ah, Naomi Campbell. I have been a big fan of this lovely lady and her tig ‘ol bitties since I was in junior high and believe me that was a loooong time ago. But she still looks amazing. She is the very definition of keeping it tight. In these pics, she’s sporting several provocative lingerie ensembles. Naomi has got some ridiculously incredible legs. They are so long and lean. I imagine having those bad boys wrapped around you in heavenly. Naomi’s booty is outstanding as well. I would like to wear it as a hat. Her thumper is at the same time tight and curvy. I very much likey.

I remember watching Naomi writhe around nekkid in the George Michael Freedom 90 video. If you haven’t seen that video in a while I suggest you YouTube it for some classic hot lady party.

Photo Credit: Agent Provocateur

Irina Shayk Knows How To Wear Bikinis And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Irina Shayk can fill out a bikini like no other. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kylie Jenner wore a crop top to play Santa at a kid’s hospital. (TMZ)

Jennifer Lopez shows off her famous curves in Self Magazine. (Huffington Post)

Nicki Minaj‘s calendar features…wait for it…her booty. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jehane “Gigi” Paris has some big ‘ol funbags. (Popoholic)

Britney Spears is looking pretty hot in Women’s Health. (Dlisted)

Demi Lovato is like a hot intergalactic punk alien in Allure Magazine. (COED)

Suelyn Medeiros Celebrates Her New Book Release With Some Cleavage On The Side

Sexy lady Suelyn Medeiros was boobtastically cleavtastic at the book release party for her new masterpiece My Secrets Revealed. I assume it’s some sort of tell-all autobiography. What spoke volumes was her pink dress that was so low cut that it is split almost to her belly button. The result shows off her immense funbags. These things are magnificent. Nay, her boobies are legendary. They are the kind of chichis you tell your grandkids about. She appears to be mostly naked on the cover of the book. I hope there are more naked pictures inside. I might actually buy this bad boy if there are lots of pictures of her ta-tas.

I wonder what kind of sexy tales this book will tell? I imagine whatever stories are in there are much more exciting than anything I’ve ever done. My sexual escapades could be told in a slim flipbook.

Daphne Joy Seen In A White Lace See-Through Dress On Rodeo Drive

Professional hot person Daphne Joy was spotted on Rodeo Drive in LA in a dress that is more like the doilies on your grandma’s couch than an actual dress. You can see much more skin than you can fabric in this getup. The crop top shows off her gorgeous bare mid-riff in all its toned sexy goodness. Daphne has quite a rack and you can kind of see all of her ta-tas in the peek-a-boo dress. But let’s not forget Daphne’s curvy hips and booty. She’s got the kind of figure that gets my pressure up. Just look at that thumper, my friends. It’s lovely and smackable. Not that I would actually smack her butt. That’s how people get arrested.

How come I never see hot chicks in see-through dresses when I am on Rodeo Drive? I only see rich old first wives with too much plastic surgery buying overpriced shit to hang on to their faded youth.

Photo Credit: Garry ‘Prophecy’ Sun