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Jack Tomas is a writer, filmmaker, and editor working in New York. He's originally from Houston, TX where he earned a BA in Theater and Communication from The University of St. Thomas. Later, he received an MA in Media Studies at The New School. Jack has worked several years as a professional filmmaker and his films have appeared in several film festivals including the Cannes Film Festival, The LA Comedy Shorts Festival, and The New York Independent Film Festival. He has also worked as a professional blogger since 2009 writing for Guanabee.com, Tuvez.com, Egotastic.com, and WWTDD.com . He lives in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn with his wife and two cats.

Behold The Bronze Butthole

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When I was a little kid it was a popular memento to cast a person’s baby shoes in bronze. My mom did it as did many others of her generation. It’s kind of a sweet way to remember that fleeting time of infanthood. That’s sweet. What is considerably less sweet is Magnus Irvin’s bronze cast buttholes. For the reasonable fee of $1900 you can go to his studio and have your balloon knot cast in bronze. Irvin started out doing his cast to create chocolate buttholes. But that wasn’t enough for this ass loving “artist”. So, he began casting in bronze. He says,

“Having made chocolate anuses now for a fair while, we’ve moved into the more permanent anuses made of casting metal or glass. These are available to anyone who wants their own anus cast, or a copy of someone else’s anus.”

I just…What kind of person is narcissistic enough to spend that much money to get a permanent representation of your anus? I’ve never seen mine and I can gladly live the rest of my life not seeing it much less getting a metal representation of it. People are effing weird.

Domino’s Pizza Gets Kinky

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BDSM is having a bit of a new renaissance in popular culture. It’s mostly due to the mommy porn blockbuster Fifty Shades of Grey. Suburban ladies all over America have imagined themselves getting tied up by Christian Grey. So, it’s no big surprise that Domino’s would want to cash in on that trend with this truly bizarre ad. It was created to promote Domino’s new sriracha pizza. It shows a tongue in bondage gear and a ball gag tied up in some kind of sex dungeon. The tag line is “You’re going to suffer and enjoy ever minute.” Domino’s has confirmed that it is an authentic ad though they didn’t promote it because, you know, they didn’t want to use a BDSM ad to sell their pizzas. A Domino’s spokesman said,

“It’s real. The ad was created and pitched by an agency to the independent franchise in Israel. It never ‘officially’ appeared anywhere, because it was ill-advised, unfunny and not brand-appropriate. In a word, it was stupid. When I first saw it myself, I thought it was a parody, just in time for the premiere of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ I’m still shaking my head.”

What makes me angry is the amount of times I have done commercial work on spec and have been denied because it was too weird. But I assure you that someone got paid for making this crap.

Candice Swanepoel Poses In Denim

The lovely Candice Swanepoel used her considerable talents to do this denim-centric photo shoot. All the proceeds from the sale of her denim line go to fighting HIV, which is using your hotness powers for good. The first thing you notice in the pics with her in short shorts is her redonkulously hot legs. Seriously, those gams go on for miles, as a 1940′s private eye might say. Candice has one of those classic tall model bodies that makes life worth living. But let’s not forget about those ta-tas. In one pic she is only wearing a pair of jeans and you get a nice eyeball full of her sideboobage. Candice’s funbags are a work of art. They are the perfect median between too big to hold and the itty bitty titty committee. Are they, perhaps, the most perfect set of sweater hams under God’s heavens? They darn well could be.

I do like a girl in a pair of short cut-off denim shorts. Maybe it’s because I had my sexual awakening as a little boy in the early 80′s to Daisy Duke on the Dukes of Hazard.

Photo Credit: Mother Denim Line

Kim Kardashian Super Busty While Leaving A Sam Smith Concert In LA With Kendall, Khloe And Cara

If Kim Kardashian was a super hero her super power would be the ability to stop men dead in their tracks with her mighty cleav. Once again Kim K proved that no one does boobage like her as she and her sisters Khloe and Kendall and Cara Delevingne attended a Sam Smith concert in LA. She was wearing a tight bustier top that pushed her funbags up into a pleasing cleavage revealing shape that is oh so delectable. Seriously, if there were such a thing as the boob equivalent of the Pepsi challenge, I would bet on Kim’s yum yums over anyone else. Khloe was also looking pretty friggin’ hot in a pair of skin tight leather pants that showed off her greatest asset, her legendary booty. Kendall wasn’t dressed in anything revealing but she’s still my boo, as the kids say.

Say what you will about the Kardashian/Jenner clan, they sure know how to get people’s attention with their sexiness. That’s a skill too, you know.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews/INF

The Boston Yeti Lives!

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Boston, MA got more than just snow on Tuesday when a yeti was seen running through the streets of Beantown. The large white Sasquatch played and frolicked in the snow and ran through the streets. He was also heard to say, “Don’t worry, I’m a vegan.” Which made me think about why people would fear a yeti. It’s certainly not because they are afraid that it would eat them. It’s not a wampa from The Empire Strikes Back. Chances are, given their arboreal home that they are in fact vegans. Probably a remnant species of hominid that never evolved because they never discovered the wonders of steak and bacon. I think the bigger problem is that a yeti in Boston would be a Red Sox fan and all that the Red Sox nation needs is an incredibly strong 7 foot Sasquatch. Imagine how many cars a drunken yeti could flip over after a lost game.

Maybe it’s my New Yorker prejudice but I think it’s time we get a Brooklyn Bigfoot and have them fight. That would be epic.

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Charlotte McKinney Shows Off And Other Fine Things To Ogle

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Charlotte McKinney shows us she really knows how to eat her meat. (TMZ)

Candice Swanepoel wears just jeans and nothing else. (WWTDD)

Dakota Johnson is 50 shades of hot for Vogue magazine. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lorde really likes wearing crop top shirts and it’s awesome. (Huffington Post)

Yara Khmidan sports a bikini because she cares. (Popoholic)

Erin Heatherton is your new Sports Illustrated swimsuit rookie. (COED)

Chelsea Handler shows off her boobs because it’s Thursday. (The Superficial)

Vanessa Hudgens Flashes Stomach While Posing For Bongo

Vanessa Hudgens is the queen of the bare mid-riff. She, in my humble opinion, does it better than anyone else. She’s certainly had a lot of practice as I don’t believe she owns a complete shirt. All I know is that from the first time I saw Vanessa in that crappy High School Musical movie I was smitten with that abdomen. It’s seriously flawless. I want a cast iron bronze of her tummy to hang up on my wall of sexy art, that’s how perfect it is. It’s smooth and toned and totally free of blemish or stretch mark. How many ladies can say that? Not any I know. People like Vanessa live on a plane of existence where we uggos can only admire from afar.

I think I’m going to go watch that Spring Breakers movie because it features Vanessa in a bikini. What better way to start off a Thursday?

Photo Credit: Bongo