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TLC Cancels ‘Honey Boo Boo’ Because Child Molestation Is a Bit Too Real for Reality TV

Bad news, everybody. TLC has officially cancelled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, your favorite reality show about obese hillbillies.

The reason? Mama Boo Boo (actual name June Shannon, pictured here) is dating a convicted child molester who just finished a 10-year sentence FOR MOLESTING HER EIGHT-YEAR-OLD RELATIVE.

I wish I was kidding—about the child molester, about the fact that a mother of young children would date such a man, about the fact that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was a television program that actually existed—but I am not. Apparently Shannon was dating the man ten years ago when he went to prison, and I guess the fact that he forced himself on a child wasn't a deal-breaker, because they're back together now that he's out.

As a result, this woman with no discernible talent, skill, or intelligence—who had nevertheless become the well-paid star of a famous reality TV show—has totally shredded her family's meal ticket.

When TMZ first reported the news yesterday, TLC's response was that they would be "reassessing" the show's future—meaning they just needed time for their lawyers to get all the paper work in order.

Today they officially pulled the plug. Instead of giving you an actual excerpt from their actual statement, though, I'll give you this rough translation:

"We thought it would probably be a bad thing to have a reality show about children living with a child molester. So we cancelled it."

Good call, guys.

[via THR]

Good News Everybody! You Don’t Have to Watch ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’ Next Week Because the ‘Avengers 2′ Trailer Already Leaked Online

Yesterday we learned the first trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron would premiere during next week's episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, and I said you didn't really need to watch the show because it would be available online 10 minutes after it aired.

Well, I was wrong. It's already available. The thing leaked last night. And Marvel knows who's behind it:

Haha, good joke guys. I probably wasn't going to tune in to ABC next week to watch Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., but I definitely won't now. Sorry.

Now, here's the good stuff:

For those of you who aren't familiar with the entire Marvel cannon, Ultron (voiced by James Spader) is a creation of Tony Stark. (Whoops.) And that giant Iron Man suit is called the Hulkbuster...for reasons that should be obvious.

In any case, Avengers: Age of Ultron looks f-ing fantastic, just as we all knew it would. May 1, 2015, cannot come soon enough.

First Trailer for ‘Avengers: Age of Ultron’ to Premiere During ‘Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’

Just a few weeks ago there was a rumor going around that the first trailer for Avengers: Age of Ultron would premiere before screenings of Christopher Nolan's highly anticipated Interstellar. However, today I'm really glad I didn't write a post about that rumor, because it turns out the first Age of Ultron trailer will actually premiere on ABC during next week's episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

The exact date and time, in case you want to plug it into your phone and set a little reminder for yourself, is Tuesday, October 28, at 9/8c.

The announcement was made last night, as the credits rolled for this week's episode. It was then followed up with confirmation tweets from the official Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers Twitter accounts.

Of course, this actually makes all the sense in the world when you think about it. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is a spinoff of the Avengers franchise (without all the awesome superheroes) centered around Agent Coulson, a somewhat important character from the films. Why the hell wouldn't Marvel and their Disney overlords debut the new Avengers trailer during that show? It might actually get non-hardcore nerds to watch it...assuming they don't realize they can just watch the thing online about 10 minutes after it airs.

[via Hero Complex]

Apparently Everybody Wants Bane to Be in Their Superhero Movie

Today, on the heels of last week's major superhero movie announcements from Warner Brothers (re: the DC Universe) and Marvel (re: RDJ and Captain America 3) we've got some pretty interesting news from Fox. Apparently Bryan Singer, director of the upcoming X-Men: Apocalypse, wants Tom Hardy to play Apocalypse.

If Singer gets his man, this would be Hardy's second major comic book villain. In case you somehow didn't know, Hardy also played Bane for Christopher Nolan in The Dark Knight Rises.

Here's the thing, though. Apocalypse isn't his only option. Hardy's name has recently been bandied about in connection with the DC supervillains flick Suicide Squad, too, and a few months ago he was supposedly being pursued for Marvel's Doctor Strange.

Of course, it's obvious why everybody wants Hardy for their comic book movies. He was a total badass in DKR and is in general a fine actor. However, we don't know if the guy even wants to play another supervillain, despite the fact that he would make a pretty sick Apocalypse.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

[via Screen Rant]

Yes, There Will Be Ewoks in ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’

Warwick Davis has been cast in 'Episode VII'...

Hey, remember when Han, Luke, and Leia took out a whole battallion of Imperial Storm Troopers with nothing but a couple of rocks and a tribe of cuddly teddy bears in Return of the Jedi? Well, guess what? Those cuddly teddy bears—the Ewoks—are returning for Star Wars: Episode VII.

Or at least that's what J.J. Abrams wants us to believe. Yesterday Abrams (and by "Abrams" I mean somebody who works for him) posted a funny little video announcing that Warwick Davis, who played the Ewok Wicket in Return of the Jedi, has been cast in the latest instalment of everyone's space opera set in a galaxy far, far away. So the obvious conclusion is that there will be Ewoks.

The only problem? J.J. Abrams loves messing with us, and the video didn't actually say Warwick Davis would reprise his previous role. So it's quite possible Abrams cast Davis in some other role and made a big deal about the announcement just to make us think there will be Ewoks.

That being said, if this really does mean there will be Ewoks in Episode VII, maybe I was right. Maybe Lando Calissian did go to Endor, enslave the Ewoks, and start a new mining colony after they blew up Death Star II.

Here’s the Complete List of Announced DC Superhero Movies

Yesterday, Warner Brothers made one of the most ambitious announcements in movie history, unveiling a slate of 10 new superhero movies for their DC Universe, plus another two "bonus" films that I guess they left out because 12 isn't a nice round number like 10.

Of course, the fact that WB wants to build such franchise is hardly news. We've suspected this was in the works since they confirmed Batman would be in the Man of Steel sequel, and we knew it was in the works when they announced Gal Gadot would be Wonder Woman. What makes this announcement notable is the detail.

When Marvel announced their plans for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, they only gave us specifics on a handful of projects and left the rest—like Guardians and Ant-Man—for a later date. Warner Brothers, however, is going all in by telling us all the movies they're going to make and when they're going to make them.

Take a look at the complete schedule:

  1. Batman v Superman (2016), starring Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck
  2. Suicide Squad (2016), directed by David Ayer
  3. Wonder Woman (2017), starring Gal Gadot
  4. Justice League Part One (2017), starring everyone
  5. The Flash (2018), starring Ezra Miller
  6. Aquaman (2018), starring Jason Momoa
  7. Shazam (2019), starring The Rock as Black Adam
  8. Justice League Part Two (2019), starring everyone again
  9. Cyborg (2020), starring Ray Fisher
  10. Green Lantern (2020), starring not-Ryan Reynolds

The "bonus" movies I mentioned? Those are another standalone Superman movie and a standalone Batfleck movie. They just don't have dates yet.

Will all this play out exactly as planned? Highly doubtful. But I for one appreciate the grandiosity.

[via EW]

HBO Goes Rogue, Announces Plans for Stand-Alone Streaming Service

Today HBO announced that, in 2015, they will launch their very own stand-alone web streaming service that will provide access to their premium content without a cable or satellite subscription.

We don't know how much it will cost yet, and much of that depends on whether they make this a true first-run streaming service or a kind of "HBO Go Plus" where you just get to watch old content on demand. But either way, this is a pretty big deal. Right now there are a lot of people who only subscribe to cable for HBO and sports, so cable companies stand to lose a lot of subscribers.

That being said, don't go celebrating the end of cable just yet. Keep in mind that HBO is owned by Time Warner, a cable company. And while this is an obvious attempt by Time Warner to free itself from the shackles of its cable competitors and appeal to the estimated 10 million broadband-only households in America, they're not exactly ditching the cable model. Time Warner is still a major opponent of net neutrality who wants streaming services like Netflix to pay extra for the bandwidth their customers use. And that is still major bullshit.

In the end, Time Warner is trying to have its cake and eat it too. They want to screw over streaming services and broadband customers so people keep paying crazy money for cable. But they also want to appeal to people who are dying to ditch cable altogether.

Sounds like an existential crisis is brewing.

[via Washington Post]