Bill SwiftWebsite

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Kelly Brook Behind the Nipples, Err, the Scenes of Her Epic 2015 Calendar Shoot

My ultimate nap would be to lay down in the bosomy embrace of Kelly Brook and sleep for days. Well, perhaps five minutes of exploring each other's intimate limits until my heart rate goes past the red line limit indicated on the stationary bike at the gym. Then, to sleep for days in her warm welcoming boobtastic. Captured behind the scenes of her 2015 wall calendar shoot, Kelly Brook shows you why in black and white or color or just the heavenly scratch and sniff option, she really is one of the most heavenly bodies currently residing on the earth's surface.

Kelly Brook in see-through little bits of clothing, bending, posing, preening for the camera. It's almost impossible to wait for 2015. I'll set my nap time in betwixt her engorged funbags to 1/1/15 so I can wake up atop her chest to the site of her on my wall. I'm doubling down on this fantasy. There's no stopping me during the holiday season. Enjoy.

Kat Torres Red Lingerie Sextastic Lace Pimping and Preening for Agua Sales

I guess the 138 water models have moved off the beach today and on location in Hollywood for some lacy lingerie shoots for attempt number five-hundred to push fancy bottled water by way of super hot skin baring models like Kat Torres. I have no idea how it's working sales wise on product, I've never ever seen anyone buying this H20, but I can tell you it continues to work plenty fine in the libido revving of the engines department, with this wickedly hot blonde Kat Torres nearly catching fire in red lace and nearly baring fun parts.

We may never know the real motivations behind all of these pimping bottled water shoots. Ours may not be to question, only to ogle and try not to embarrass ourselves in public settings. I'm fine with that. All the world's a stage and we have the very best seats in the house. Enjoy.

Victoria Silvstedt Goes With Light Purple for Her Bikini of the Day in Miami

Whoever Victoria Silvstedt is always talking to on the cell phone, it's apparently related to her leading the life of Reilly on the beaches of the world showing off in her various colored bikinis. I've never seen her in the same bikini twice, so I'm going to assume she tosses them after wearing and grabs a new one. I have no comment on that particular wardrobe practice save for I'd surely like to know where she tosses her worn bikinis. I'm asking for a friend, who looks a lot like me.

Victoria Silvstedt has recently officially entered the Forty and Faptastic club at Egotastic! It's like the UAL red carpet club except only the ladies get free drinks. And not those Cosby cocktails, just proper beverages to wet their whistle while I provide foot massages so sensual they are technically illegal in thirty-seven countries. Oh, what I can do to insoles with my ambitious fingers. Victoria, welcome to the club. Your membership card should be in the mail. Wait, what's your address again? Enjoy.

Dakota Johnson Topless and 50 Shades of Wet and Shimmering on Italian Beach Holiday!

 

Today seems to be shaping up rather nicely, with some alluring shapes that now includes the bare funbags of soon to be big time star Dakota Johnson frolicking topless through the shoreline water of Italy. While Dakota is known for some minor work and modeling and being Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's daughter, once 50 Shades of Grey comes out at Valentine's expect her starring submissive role to rocket her to the top of the media awareness charts. And now you can say you've ogled her sweet tender funbags. Though I wouldn't share that with your lady should you happen to be going to see this movie on Feb 14 of next year.

Short of perhaps making the sexy, my favorite backdrop for au natural ta-ta reveals might just be in and out of the waters of the topless beach. There's just something magical when you add in the sun and the water and the happy beach fun time splashes. Dakota Johnson and her untouched by 90210 perfect peaches are certain to be circling your libido like a pinball tagging every bumper. Soak it in, remember this moment, and be happy you chose Egotastic over Forbes this morning. Enjoy.

Bella Thorne Thong Bikini Disney Starlet Booty Show Might Just Break the Internet

I hate myself for that breaking the Internet nonsense. Only the FCC can actually break the Internet. Not even a nekkid Kim Kardashian can match that intrusively destructive might. Though fast rising TV and film starlet Bella Thorne might take a crack with her first ever thong bikini pictures from her vacation on the beach in Miami. Bella is another one of these grow'd up super fast Hollywood ingenues who have forgone the tedium of high school for fame and fortune. Oh, that I could have made that trade myself. I would have settled for just fortune really, fame is vastly overrated.

Bella Thorne isn't one of those obvious exhibitionists like her predecessor Miley Cyrus, even at the same age. Though she is a rather mature young woman who travels the world with boyfriend and not any parental supervision for some time now. When I was seventeen I was caring for myself too and would've punched anybody in the face who told me I was just a kid. Well, maybe kicked them in the shins, seeing as how I'm partially a pacifist. Bella Thorne is mightily in control of her own destiny. If thong bikinis and flashing her bare derriere on the beach is part of her plan, I am 100% behind her. I mean, I will literally be spending lots of time behind her. Enjoy.

Victoria Silvstedt Bikini Jugular Fun Time in Miami

Victoria Silvstedt truly is one of those miracles of superior genes and a touch or three of modern science. This statuesque former Playmate of the Year just keeps on keeping on in the hot bodied bikini category, lending her female form talents to the very lucky gentleman oglers of Miami Beach. Now, you may have to censor your own dreams to the fact that Victoria isn't perhaps general available for chatting up, unless you own say a steel company or at least a Ferrari made from it, however, leering at her impressive blonde and tan all over curves remains completely gratis.

The competition along the strip of sand on the shores of Miami for two-piece swimsuit dominance remains as fierce as ever. We're only now really getting into the high season that is winter in the Northern Hemisphere, drawing ridiculously fine bodies from all four corners of the globe. Rest assured that Victoria Silvstedt knows they're coming. Rest assured she's ready. Okay, now stop resting. Enjoy.

Jessica Davies Topless Selfies a Sextastic Salv for a Mammarial Monday

 

I firmly, but tenderly believe that boobs can save the world. Funbags are designed for two explicit purposes. To engender mating and calm nerves. I don't see what other types of medicines or cures we could ever need as a people. Sedate and calm and making many babies. That's how I imagine Utopia, you know, provided I'm heavily involved in that reproductive process and primarily with girls as fine and as buxom bodacious as Jessica Davies, kind enough to provide peeks at her sweet blessed peaks from within arms lengths.

Selfies really have become a double edged sword. There are the constant and tired mugs of your friends on Facebook and Kris Jenner, then there are hallelujah for technology moments like Jessica flashing her own hooters. I suppose that is the nature of all inventions and innovations, they can be used for good or bad. Jessica, these are very very good. Enjoy.