Bill Swift Website

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Sophia Bush Cleavy Crop Top For Boobtastic Party Winning

I did not want to merely forget about how amazing Sophia Bush looked at the SAG Awards pre-party because I can’t shake it from my mind, I’m madly in lust with Sophia Bush, and I’d like to think she feels the same way about me. Two of those three things are likely true.

The magically underrated hotness and cleavy goodness of Sophia Bush absolutely stole the party dedicated to actors talking to other actors about how tough, but ever amazing, it is to be an actor. Baring your soul for the camera, that’s no easy task. Nor quite as productive from our perspective as baring your amazing funbags. Sophia, let’s get into some really exposing roles. I’ll bring the camera. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Getty

Jestina Lam Topless Busty Asian Lingerie Hotness (That’s All the Good Things)

Jestina Lam Topless In Lacy Lingerie For Volo Magazine
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You know that Volo magazine was only my favorite new sextastic hot ladies magazine of last year. How many thrills did they bring us of the visually naughty variety? The answer is many. Now the good and decent photo snapping folks at Volo are into 2015 and showing off the bare necessities of alluring Asian model Jestina Lam. Just your super fine sweetheart in white lingerie, then not white lingerie. Oh, those faptastic funbags. If this is my last breath, I take it gladly.

There are so many shapes and sizes and colors of incredibly passion inducing women in this world. That makes me so happy, but also reminds me that my work is never done. I’m kind of like a superhero, except rather lazy and my only known unnatural powers involve pretzels and this weird thing I can do with my right eye at parties. Nevertheless, it is my pleasure to bring beautiful bits of lovely like Jestina Lam to you. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Volo Magazine

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Ali Michael Great Outdoors Topless For Chadwick Tyler

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Photo Credit: Chadwick Tyler

Lisa Opie White Bikini and Tight Body Combo Pleases Me and Neptune

Lisa Opie truly is the petite hottie gift that keeps on giving. Several days a week taking her yoga taut little minxy hot body out to the park or beach in a little bikini to share the results of her hard work. How many people do you know who are that giving to the general public? Exactly.

If I have one criticism of Lisa it’s that she has not returned a single one of my letter requesting to be her Aloe Vera boy. She’s got a hint of skin tone, but with that blazing South Florida sun and her proximity to the ocean reflection, I worry for her shoulders and back and coochie coo parts becoming damaged in any way. A good rub of the cactus juice never hurts and would most definitely help me feel better. Aloe is magic. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

Clara Rosager And Corrie Lejuwaan Topless Houseboating, All the Kids Are Doing It

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Your first question might be, why are these two lovely models taking off their bikini tops on a houseboat. But I will not give you an answer. I will only stare at you knowingly trying to convey to you how if you question this bit of faptastic, it might just go away. I’m superstitious like that. Extremely so. I will kick you in the bobos as needed to maintain the sanctity of Clara Rosager and Corrie Lejuwaan in this sextacular pictorial for C-Heads magazine.

Nature has yet to invent any visual more inspiring than two hot young girls frolicking topless under the sun. That recent NASA picture of the universe kind of comes close, but clearly second best. Nay, it’s the innocence of youth merged with the prurient opposite of innocence of the gentleman ogler that makes this the material world’s finest hour. Houseboat on girls, just pretend we’re not even here and we’re still wearing pants. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Cameron Hammond For C-Heads

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Selena Gomez Booty In Tight Jeans And Belly Flash While On Set For A Movie

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Dakota Johnson See Through Shirt Preparing for Greatness

The film is already in the can. All Dakota Johnson can do now is wait for 50 Shades of Grey to expose her body and submissive bound character to greatness come Valentine’s Day. I’m not suggesting you go see the movie. Despite what your inner teen boy is telling you, taking your lady to a racy movie about BDSM is not going to put you on the happy end of a riding crop with her later that evening. This kind of thinking always backfires. Trust your Uncle Bill. Let her see it with her girlfriends and then just innocently start dressing like a school principal and leaving wooden paddles around the house. Far better.

But back to Dakota Johnson, leaving the gym, preparing to reach the next level of thespianic sextastic success. It must be sort of weird knowing what’s coming and then having to wait so long. Dakota, just know this. When the female viewers rip you for whatever reason, I’ll be here for you. I get you. And I’m now getting my leather restraints. Let’s do this. I love the smell of vulcanized rubber. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/INF