Bill Swift Website

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Rosie Jones, Kelly Hall, Lacy Banghard And Sabine Jemeljanova DD Deliver Us Onto March

 
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I miss my Page 3 girls, I really do. They didn’t technically go anywhere, but when the Sun pulled that stunt and pretended they were taking them away, I went through all twenty-seven stages of grief pretty quickly. Granted, twenty-four of those stages involved some kind of junk food or malted beverage. No reason you can’t experience anger and disbelief while eating some Doritos and cleansing the palate with a Pacifico. So, the girls technically never left, but my feelings got misplaced. Beneath all this muscle and more muscle, I’m sensitive guy.

Still, I want to check in with my lovely British lasses semi-regularly just to make sure they’re doing well and their funbags are still all kinds of stupendous. Which, indeed is the case for our lovely Rosie Jones, Kelly Hall, Sabine Jemeljanova, and Lacy Banghard. Four ladies I’m proud to call platonic friends. Okay, I’m not so proud about the platonic part. Give them a gander and an eyeball hello. It’s been a while. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Page 3

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Italian TV Diva Melissa Castagnoli Shows Off Her Killer Curves In Tiny Thong

Italian TV starlet and all around extremely good looking visitor from The Boot, Melissa Castagnoli, decided that a tiny black thong bikini was the appropriate wardrobe for her introduction to Miami Beach. It’s like she’s reading my mind, or my fashion blog, UsingTargetCouponsWisely.com. I can’t imagine a bikini fitting a young smoking sextastic woman any better, well, maybe if it fell off. That’s always truly the best fit.

With Spring nearly springing in Miami, you can expect the international invasion of fine female forms to once again pick up along the Atlantic shoreline. As the competition grows, expect the bikinis to shrink, though I’m not sure how many inches of material you could cut from Melissa’s thong before she was arrested. A victimless crime if there ever was one. Melissa, welcome, please, don’t ever ever leave. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kaley Cuoco Goes Chesty Big in Nightgown for the Biggest of Bangs

I must admit I’m in the crowd who wonders why Kaley Cuoco cut off her long blonde locks and went for the tomboy look. It seemed something akin to a crime against humanity. Thankfully, she did nothing to reduce the size of her spectacular racktastic, which she was showing off in some evening wear in a recent episode of Big Bang Theory. I don’t watch much network television. Canned laugh tracks make the tinker toys that hold together my brain come loose. But I do delve happily into the warm large bosom of Kaley Cuoco, wherever, whenever.

There’s some saying about if you live long enough, you will see everything. One of the reasons I ever consume a vegetable is so that I might linger until the day we get to see Kaley Cuoco flashing her funbags bare and beautiful. I hope it’s not too much longer. I despise things that grow up from the ground, much preferring life forms that fall to the ground. C’mon, Kaley, Uncle Bill can’t take many more carrots. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: “Big Bang Theory” CBS

Rihanna, Brooke Burke And Miley Cyrus All Part of Happy Spandex Asstastic Day on Egotastic!


There are two pieces of advice my father gave me I hold dear to this day. The first was to take the time to stop and smell the roses. The second was to grow up and go find a place of my own to live. When you’re nine stuff your dad says leaves an impression on you. In honor of the former, today I wanted to stop and smell the Spandex covered booties. We see so much hot celebrity asstastic in stretchy shorts and leggings I feel we sometimes take this modern trend of awesome quite for granted. It would have us killed in certain parts of this globe. Her, it’s just killing us kindly.

Delve into Rihanna, Michelle Lewin, Brooke Burke and others flashing beautiful cans of all Tinsel Town ages. Hip hip hurrah for the sweet seat meat and the manner in which it cushions our hearts and other vital organs. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: Egotastic Archives

SI Swimsuit Rookie of the Year Kelly Rohrbach Nip Slip Tugging on Her Tank Top

They don’t just let any girl off the street be named Swimsuit Rookie of the Year. For one, you need to be a rookie. Second, you need a swimsuit. Also, one ridiculously hot nubile body helps. Kelly Rohrbach had all of those as she accepted her award. And, more importantly, decided to keep on keeping on with the show-womanship as in the case of this James Macari photoshoot.

I don’t know why Kelly Bohrback is tugging on her tank top. Perhaps just a cosmic wind. I’m certainly not going to question her right to exhibit her chest. It’s a natural human right that you can only hope is exercised thoughtfully and regularly by the most sextastic women among us. Enjoy
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Photo Credit: James Macari

Julianne Hough Smoking Blonde Hot and Tugging Up Her Top on GMA

Julianne Hough is one fine looking dame as they used to say. I think they still say it now in parts of Long Island. She really is one of those blonde hotties we forget about until she shows up for another round of promotions for some project somewhere. She’s pimping DWTS I think in her low cut top that kept low topping itself on Good Morning America. If only we had had a malfunction worthy of watching TV hosts fake giggle early in the morning. We did not, but Julianne still looked outstandingly hot.

Julianne probably likes singing and dancing too much to be my full time squeeze. Also that virginity thing seems like a real obstacle between a true friendship. When you throw in the fact she still has the faint smell of Seacrest perfume, it’s probably best that we admire each other from a distance. I’d shoot for a foot or less if given the choice. I’d love to examine her as a doctor does his patient, assuming he really really wants to have sex with his patient. I feel wrong today. More DayQuil please. Enjoy.

Photo Credit: INF/Splash

Francesca Cipriani Festive And Topless In Her Own Calendar

 
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If you’re going to produce something called the Francesca Cipriani calendar, you darn well better have Italian hottie TV starlet Francesa Cipriani in the calendar. And if you have her topless, why then, you have something the business world likes to call, healthy sales.

The sweet blonde Big Brother contestant and TV show hostess from The Boot made sure that her finest foot was forward, not to mention her delicious funbags in this tribute to the many months of the year. I think there are twelve this year. Though were they all marked by hot photos of Francesca, I’d vote for a few extra months this annum. The months of Faptastic and Sextastic could easily follow after April. I wonder how you say, I want to make many many babies with you, in Italian. All I know how to say is I have traveler’s diarrhea and I need to find the nearest bathroom. I’ve learned that phrase in all the world’s major languages. Somehow I don’t see that impressing Francesca. Enjoy.

Photo Credit:Eva 3000 Magazine