Bill SwiftWebsite

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Lizzy Caplan Topless, Gretchen Mol Topless, Rachel Korine Topless, It’s the Boob Tube Roundup (VIDEO)

 

The best boobtastic of today's celebrity, outside of hacked Clouds, exists on the small screen as the big screen leans ever more toward child robot fare. Not that there's anything wrong with child robot fare, it is my standard date film. But grown up movies for grown ups with grown up body parts are becoming ever more extinct. Meanwhile, on the small screen, funbags are thriving.

This week's Boob Tube Roundup includes a long look at Lizzy Caplan topless once more in Masters of Sex. What a dame as they used to say in the 50's, I think. Also making a chesty appearance, Gretchen Mol in the final season of Boardwalk Empire, something we haven't seen from her since the earlier seasons of the show. And, lastly, Rachel Korine flashes her gingerly teats in The Knick, continuing its first season run to much sextastic acclaim. Three fine ladies, six honking honkers. It's the Boob Tube Roundup. Enjoy.

Claudia Romani Bikini Thumper Has Almost Agreed to Be My Dear Belusted

I feel like I'm making progress with Claudia Romani and her killer tush. The wicked hot bodied Roman beach goddess is no longer returning my love letters to her hiney with threats of legal prosecution, restraining orders, and jokes about how horrible my favorite NFL team are. Just marked unread. I like to think this means I'm making headway. I'm a guy who takes the long term approach to getting what I want. It might take 200 years, but I'll get there eventually.

Claudia, every time your moon makes an appearance on Miami Beach I feel like the sun has just risen for the very first time. Do you see how poetic I am about your asstastic? It's time to let your bottom side say yes to my proposals. I will treat those twin buns of happiness with such respect save for 30 minutes a day when it will be booty play time, no holds barred. Like an all-skate at the rink. Turn on the Warrant and have at it. But for 23.5 hours a day, just chivalry. Enjoy.

Elisabetta Canalis Bikini Sizzle Time Day Before Wedding

I guess every girl gets over Clooney at some point. Former model girlfriend to The George, Elisabetta Canalis, got married to somebody who is probably more handsome and seriously banked than I am over the weekend in Italy. Just kidding about that more handsome part. As if such a thing even existed.

I give Elisabetta credit for getting the best revenge possible, which is to look absolutely amazing, have one sextastic fine female form, and giggle a lot and make many babies. I can definitely help with that last part in the event the new husband starts to fire blanks. Just saying, I made a future king of England, I can make a future Italian male bon vivant who doesn't need to know who his real father is. It'll make him more gritty and interesting and give me some Elisabetta Canalis stories to tell in my golden years. Good for you, Elisabetta. And, good for us. Enjoy.

Nicki Minaj Flashes Underboob and Her Undercarriage in Paris

Nicki Minaj can't easily contain her curvaceous body so I suppose it made sense that she no longer really bothers trying. The Anaconda musical arts genius and all around bootylicious diva took to the clubs in Paris over the weekend flashing a good part of her underboob and tossing her thumper around like she meant to hurt somebody. The thing I admire about Nicki, she doesn't do anything halfway.

While half the French people in attendance were trying to besmirch Nicki and plastic American culture, the other half were trying to get in eyeshot, if not handshot, of the hourglass figured superstar with the memorable shapes. Hey, there's always time for besmirching once the music stops. Personally, I think Nicki makes a great ambassador of American culture. We are the shake it, you won't break it kind of country. Enjoy.

Olivia Wilde Topless Luscious Treats and Bum Peeks in Third Person

 

I think this film was in the can for a while before making a festival run last year then ultimately being released this summer to a very minimal audience. In short, while indie film Third Person got raked over the coals by critics, nobody really stopped to say, hey, wait, Olivia Wilde is topless in this movie. That's why you have us here. It's out job to remember this actually happened and share it with you.

This is clearly the sextastic Olivia Wilde pre-baby, not that she won't once again soon have a spectacular body with her blessed genes and no doubt strict workout regimen. But to see one of the most often overlooking super hotties of Hollywood with her perky pair out there for perfect ogling, well, who cares what the critics say, I call this a tour de force performance. I'm forcing a performance as we speak. That's rude, but, Olivia Wilde funbags! Enjoy.

Demi Lovato Bikini Boobtastic Fun Time in Miami

I'm not exactly sure why, but we hardly ever get to see young X-Factor judge and pop diva Demi Lovato in a bikini taking in some fun and sun relaxation time. Demi went through a lot of emotional rough time in recent years which probably took her out of the public R&R spotlight for a while, but what a treat to get to see her cleavage and crotchalicious in a bikini in Miami over the weekend.

So many have yearned for Demi Lovato for so many years now. She really does have a strong following of men who get a happy tingle every time they see Demi showing anything. So consider today's hot bikini reveal to be an off the charts tingle. Like a 6.4 on the Tingle Scale. Let it wash over you until your entire being feels just like a smile. I know, I should write for Hallmark. Demi, you look great. Thanks for coming back to us in a two piece reveal. Enjoy.

Chloe Moretz Getting all Grow’d Up in Elle, This Is the Start of Something Wonderful

I know. I'm an eternal optimist. I can't help but feel forever positive when my job is to swim in the river of the celebrity sextastic and that river keeps widening and getting ever deeper. Take for example Chloe Moretz. The teen thespianic and major movie darling is finally starting to get a bit risque in her magazine photoshoots, albeit not quite like she might when she reaches the important mile marker next February.

Chloe's beautiful light shines through in her rather cleavetastic bit of wonderment in the new edition of Elle magazine. A number of more progressive actresses and models have started  their exhibitionist campaigns on the pages of this very same magazine. Will Chloe's next photoshoot for this showy fashion magazine be even more revealing? The eternal optimist in me say, it is decidedly so. That might actually be the Magic-8 ball I swallowed on a dare. Chloe, so much goodness lies in your future I couldn't even begin to calculate it with my pinching fingers counting technique. It all kind of starts now. Enjoy.