Bill SwiftWebsite

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Nicki Minaj Flashes Underboob and Her Undercarriage in Paris

Nicki Minaj can't easily contain her curvaceous body so I suppose it made sense that she no longer really bothers trying. The Anaconda musical arts genius and all around bootylicious diva took to the clubs in Paris over the weekend flashing a good part of her underboob and tossing her thumper around like she meant to hurt somebody. The thing I admire about Nicki, she doesn't do anything halfway.

While half the French people in attendance were trying to besmirch Nicki and plastic American culture, the other half were trying to get in eyeshot, if not handshot, of the hourglass figured superstar with the memorable shapes. Hey, there's always time for besmirching once the music stops. Personally, I think Nicki makes a great ambassador of American culture. We are the shake it, you won't break it kind of country. Enjoy.

Olivia Wilde Topless Luscious Treats and Bum Peeks in Third Person

 

I think this film was in the can for a while before making a festival run last year then ultimately being released this summer to a very minimal audience. In short, while indie film Third Person got raked over the coals by critics, nobody really stopped to say, hey, wait, Olivia Wilde is topless in this movie. That's why you have us here. It's out job to remember this actually happened and share it with you.

This is clearly the sextastic Olivia Wilde pre-baby, not that she won't once again soon have a spectacular body with her blessed genes and no doubt strict workout regimen. But to see one of the most often overlooking super hotties of Hollywood with her perky pair out there for perfect ogling, well, who cares what the critics say, I call this a tour de force performance. I'm forcing a performance as we speak. That's rude, but, Olivia Wilde funbags! Enjoy.

Demi Lovato Bikini Boobtastic Fun Time in Miami

I'm not exactly sure why, but we hardly ever get to see young X-Factor judge and pop diva Demi Lovato in a bikini taking in some fun and sun relaxation time. Demi went through a lot of emotional rough time in recent years which probably took her out of the public R&R spotlight for a while, but what a treat to get to see her cleavage and crotchalicious in a bikini in Miami over the weekend.

So many have yearned for Demi Lovato for so many years now. She really does have a strong following of men who get a happy tingle every time they see Demi showing anything. So consider today's hot bikini reveal to be an off the charts tingle. Like a 6.4 on the Tingle Scale. Let it wash over you until your entire being feels just like a smile. I know, I should write for Hallmark. Demi, you look great. Thanks for coming back to us in a two piece reveal. Enjoy.

Chloe Moretz Getting all Grow’d Up in Elle, This Is the Start of Something Wonderful

I know. I'm an eternal optimist. I can't help but feel forever positive when my job is to swim in the river of the celebrity sextastic and that river keeps widening and getting ever deeper. Take for example Chloe Moretz. The teen thespianic and major movie darling is finally starting to get a bit risque in her magazine photoshoots, albeit not quite like she might when she reaches the important mile marker next February.

Chloe's beautiful light shines through in her rather cleavetastic bit of wonderment in the new edition of Elle magazine. A number of more progressive actresses and models have started  their exhibitionist campaigns on the pages of this very same magazine. Will Chloe's next photoshoot for this showy fashion magazine be even more revealing? The eternal optimist in me say, it is decidedly so. That might actually be the Magic-8 ball I swallowed on a dare. Chloe, so much goodness lies in your future I couldn't even begin to calculate it with my pinching fingers counting technique. It all kind of starts now. Enjoy.

Nina Agdal So Damn Hot in Bras and Panties (Get Yourself an Ice Bucket)

Danish Delight Nina Agdal may be conquering the world, but she's not forsaking her hottie roots as one of the world's preeminent lingerie models. Thus came forth Nina and so shall she continue to dominate with her stellar body and come hither looks in photoshoots such as this pictorial for Leonisa Lingerie. Red, black, white, yellow, it matters now when little bits of lace and satin are barely covering Nina's funner parts. Oh, to come back in my next life as Nina's personal lingerie collection. I would just need a little tiny mouth to scream.

Nina Agdal has come so far in the past three years, it's almost hard to imagine. But nothing shall ever match the hardness per se of seeing Nina doing what she does best, making a thong and a bra look like absolutely heaven. Nina, may you never wane. Enjoy.

Thank God It’s Funbags: Yayoi Houjou Topless with The Bandage Motif, It’s Okay, She’s More Than Alright

 

You know I understand art and themes and symbolism about as well as the squirrel out on your lawn decided if a bottle cap is a nut or not, so when I see wicked alluring Japanese glamour model Yayoi Houjou nekkid save for some bandages and some makeup of marks on her body, I have zero idea what the heck that is supposed to mean. Rather, like the caveman that once bore me, I lay back and just stare wantonly at her ridiculously passion inducing body, including a much obliging patch of fur not oft-seen in these days of shorn clean lady nests. I for one call this a triumph.

Each Friday we top off the week by celebrating the most moving and transformative works of art in the sextastic collection. Yayoi Houjou may not be a household name in this country, but that's okay, you can just whisper her name softly while you watch her remove her bandages. There is no wrong way to ogle a crazy hot nekkid woman. Thank God It's Funbags!

Miley Cyrus Shows Off Her Brazilian Waxing in Puerto Rico Concert

I'll say this for going to a Miley Cyrus concert, you do get an eyeful. I think it's the earful part that's a problem. But if you can pack enough cotton in those aural canals you might just delight in watching the daring pop star in rather tiny outfits spreading her legs and other body parts to shock and awe the crowd into not caring about the music so much. It's kind of genius really.

As I've maintained, even if you're not a Miley fan, you must give her props for raising the bar on pop star skin baring over the past two years. There is absolutely no doubt that the singers you do love who are running about half-nekkid on stage and in music videos is in part a result of Miley pushing the envelope and making tons of cash. She didn't exactly invent the theory of relativity, she did something much much more important. Enjoy.