I could spend three hours mesmerized watching Jennifer Lawrence clip her toe nails. Not quite as exciting perhaps as seeing her slink around topless in photos I admit to nobody that I saw seventeen times over to date. The point is, Jennifer Lawrence is the ultimate girl next door. Only she doesn’t live next door to me. Gretta, the tranny wig model does. She’s less ultimate though I might say a very good foosball partner fill-in when money is on the line.
Jennifer Lawrence still works her craft, studies, and occasionally if we’re lucky, gets snapped at her acting school, continuing her education and making me wish I’d never dropped out of drama after six grade when Susan Klingman told me I smelled like burritos. That was my scent at the time, so not unexpected. I bet working romantic scenes would be much finer with Jennifer. She probably loves burritos too. We could make love for the classroom and receive an ‘A’ for getting lost in character, if not many laws of nature. Happy face. Sad face. Emote. Counter-emote. I’m good to go. Enjoy.
When the Siamese triplets who run my IT department told me I needed to test out our new system I immediately went to thoughts of big luscious lovely chest pillows. And since Jessica Davies seems happily intent on documenting her own preciously feathery set, I thought, why not make this an experiment of digital technology. I am pretty sure this is why the Internet was invented in the first place.
Jessica Davies seems particularly pleased with her plump and juicy peaches. If I had Funions like Jessica, I’d probably take five minutes out of my eighteen hour a day bubble bath schedule to visually brag about my yum yums as well. I consider it the highest order of charity, something just beyond anonymous acts of generosity. The sharing of the boobtastic selfies. It’s what hottie saints are made of. Enjoy.
Okay, perhaps Chelsea Handler didn’t post more topless pictures of herself to social media just to celebrate our upgrade to WordPress circa 2013. Which by the way when you’re upgrading from 2008 is pretty monumental. Like Chelsea’s funbags, we are doing our best to stay upright and shipshape.
You may notice some wonkiness in the next 24 hours on the site. This is all normal and natural and no need for you to call the authorities or down even more Cosby cocktails to calm your nerves. Everything will be fine. In fact, better than fine when we unleash the power of 2013. Don’t you remember how fast you were last year? Indeed. The upgrade will allow us to unlock the mysteries of mobile and tablet and embedded videos and improved user experiences. Also, more boobs. You gotta have more boobs.
Mother Nature had a laugh when she gave me the technical know how of a slow chimp. But I’ve vowed to be more tech forward than my grandfather who cried when he first saw indoor plumbing. You try squatting over a bucket for the first nineteen years of your life and tell me you wouldn’t shed a tear yourself. All good things on the horizon.
There are many reasons to be unreasonably fond of our friends at SoHo magazine down Colombiana way. First, crazy hot Latina model photoshoots. That alone would be enough to call them amigos. But then you add in the fact they come up with the prurient pictorial concepts of a randy teenage boy, and, well, they’re pushing into best friend territory.
The good men and women at SoHo thought, why not put together our very los mas sextasticos photos of hot Colombian models they’ve shot wearing see-through mesh. To which I thought, holy moley I can’t believe there are other people on this same planet who think the same as me. You’ve really got to see this. It’s memorable and will put you in the spirit of giving. Just make sure to lay down the plastic sheets before you give. Enjoy.
Assuming for a moment you don’t get HBO Brazil, you’re perhaps missing some of the best topless television in the world. O Negocio, which I’m told roughly translates to The Business, runs on the channel down Sudamericana way and just unfurls in each episode some of the finest funbags on the boob tube anywhere. So, I thought I’d share. The ladies of Season 2 alone are a mouthful and a half. Maybe you could use a hand or something. Just super fine Brazilian thespianic vixens constantly making the sexy for the purpose of advancing the story line.
Take a look and see if you don’t fall in lust as well with this largely unknown HBO number. Enjoy.
I really just see my own words coming to fruition here by the minute. Is the competition heating up already in Miami for best bikini body? Oh, yes, it’s already en fuego. Michelle Lewin is staking out her territory of the worked out, yoked out, curvaceous asstastic model types. The competition is rough, but Michelle looks more than ready for anything that might come her way, including the glances of gentlemen oglers peeking her readily abundant taut female form.
What’s clear to me is that this is going to be the best winter yet in Miami. It’s all been leading up to this. Like the perfect storm of the bikini sextastic. Also, I realize I’m going to need new binoculars and an enhanced brush and local flora disguise to blend in to the background as these luscious legs, ample thumpers, and precious pert ta-ta’s walk endlessly by. So much to do, so little time. The work doesn’t scare me, just the humiliating public boners. Nature made me this way! Enjoy.
I suppose during this season of thanks my mind turns toward the sextastic women I’m most thankful for. Kate Middleton. Not just because she may or may not be my baby mama. Though that plays a part. But for being the best damn looking regal beagle in the past five hundred years in the nation of England. That’s not just a thing, that’s a big thing, for everybody involved.
Though pregnant again with somebody’s child I can’t legally mention, Kate is still slender and getting around the country looking fine and proper and cutting ribbons and patting kids on the head and stuff. She does it like no other. Or, at least, the boys are probably happy to receive her pats versus the stale coffee smelling frightening creatures that used to come before. Kate Middleton has no equals in her circle. She’s a groundbreaker, an actual hottie reproducing in Windsor House midsts. It’s a big deal. I hope our next one is a little daughter. Oops. I’ve said to much. Enjoy.