Bill SwiftWebsite

Serving as the editor-in-chief of Egotastic! since his release behind a women's prison, Bill Swift has managed to overcome a lack of formal education, or professional skills of any kind, to build a small-sized big empire of online entertainment focused on all things men love -- hot women and a bunch of other guy things when taking momentary breaks from thinking about hot women.

Penelope Cruz, Paz Vega, Spanish Topless Hotties In El Especial Mr. Skin Playlist (VIDEO)

 

If you've known me for a week, let alone since the dawn of time, you know I love two things: my family and hot Iberian women. Even between those, there is one I can live without. Sorry, mom. But let's be realistic. Penelope Cruz and Paz Vega and their sextastic peers, that beats your Thanksgiving turkey.

Egotastic Readers, 3-Days Free of Mr. Skin for the Price of None, That's a Bargain

Our friends at Mr. Skin are celebrating lovely Latin ladies and their fondness for Egotastic! Readers by offering you this must watch Spanish hotties video playlist along with a 3-Day Free Trial Membership to Mr. Skin. I dig the good folks at Mr. Skin. They have a deep understanding of all the things we love. They've got celebrity flesh up the wazoo.

Check out the Latinas. Check out Mr. Skin. Find yourself 19% more happy than you were before. That's an approximation, it could go as high as shit-eating grin status. Enjoy.

Ashley Greene Wicked Hot in Women’s Health for Men’s Health Too (Get That Heart Rate Up, Gentleman)

There was a time when we regularly peeked at sextastic thespianic Ashley Greene. Historians refer to this period formally as the Age of Great Erections. Then she kind of went away for a while. Who knows. Romance, private times, reclusive desires, break from work. I do not know. But every now and then the talented Ms. Greene returns to us in some heavenly form to remind us of those golden ages. Such as this short but sweet pictorial in Women's Health magazine. I'm not expert in women's health, but Ashley Greene sure looks glowing and healthy to me. Also hot, which I think is the better part of good health.

Ashley, I can't stand the thought of you going away ever again. Could you maybe find it in your heart to appear before the cameras more often in even less? I'm asking on behalf of a grateful world. Either way, no hard feelings. Well, okay, harder if you say yes. You are so damn hot. Enjoy.

Humpday Huzzah! Abbey Barnsley Topless Poolside Plump Plum Exhibition

 

Sometimes you just need a little roundball in your life. Or perfectly round funbags of glamour models such as Abbey Barnsley who might appeal to you if you happen to dig blonde British girls with noteworthy curves who slink and preen poolside. So, maybe some of you, if not all. Abbey doesn't necessarily fit into the au natural stepped out of the shower nature girl, but she fits rather neatly into numerous happy times dreams I have regarding myself, a hot stacked blonde, and a date for the finest restaurant in town we never quite make. Which works out well for me on two fronts, since I can't possibly afford the finest restaurant in town. I have to go into my change cup just to get the double double at In & Out.

On Wednesday's, we celebrate the gift of the hot middle of the week and that blessed terrain on fine female form from whence so many dreams are inspired. Really, who would want to grow up to be a man in  a world without ta-ta's? I just shuddered down to my soul, briefly, but profoundly. Nay, I'll take the planet where the likes of Abbey Barnsley flashes her blessed mammaries simply because it makes the world smile. Huzzah!

Katie Price Goes Massive Cleavage for De Minimis Book Launch

Ah, Katie Price. Model, reality star, and noted author. Well, noted as having the largest yams of anybody who's ever put out more than a half dozen or so books perhaps. I'm not sure Katie writes them, I'm quite sure I will never read them, but that doesn't mean we can't rejoice in the display of ta-ta's she puts on every single time she puts another tome out in into the Amazon world. I'll say this for Katie, she knows how to get the press to show up for her announcements.

Katie's new book is called Make My Wish Come True. I'm going to go ahead and state that unless her wish is to have a Yankee blogger motorboat her for five minutes then ask if she has any crackers, I probably can't oblige. I'm sure the deeper meaning is between the covers. I'll leave it to you to decipher as I sit here and gladly allow gravity to direct my eyeball orbitals in the direction of her massive mammary. There's no hobby quite like reading. Enjoy.

 

Kelly Brook Boobtastic Hotness Seeps Through Her 2015 Calendar

It's hot sexy calendar time. Yes, that's all year round, but naturally it peaks during purchase period time from October through December when every man makes the most important decision of his life -- whose blessed ta-ta's shall I look at every morning in the coming year. Thankfully, we have big walls and big hearts here at Egotastic, so we don't have to choose from just one among so many wonderful options. However, if we had to choose, you can bet Kelly Brook would make the finalists cut.

Kelly Brook has been bringing tingles to annual calendars for about a decade now. She's an institution in hottie wall visions of glorious chests. While she doesn't go nekkid in her shoots, the advantage is you don't need to remove content from your wall when Aunt Myrtle steps in to see why you never call. Of course, you can't stand Aunt Myrtle, which is why you never call, but I'd recommend going with the more vague 'I'm just so crazy busy' followed by some inaudible mumbles. Then gently guide her to the door so you can once more be alone with your Kelly Brook calendar.

Mariana Goulart Topless Nekkid Oiled Down Brazilian Goodness (That’s a Mouthful, Or Two)

 

Sometimes you just need a little Goulart in your life. I've said that before many times about Izabel Goulart, the hottie Victoria's Secret model. I don't know if outrageously unctuous hot Mariana Goulart is related to Izabel or if that's just a last name given to girls with crazy hot bodies in Brazil when they turn eighteen. That would be some kind of ceremony I'd like to attend. The Annual Goularts.

Featured in H Para Hombres magazine south of the border, Mariana shows what an amazingly sextastic female form, no clothes, and one well baby-oiled down body can do for a camera. Not to mention the leering public who catches sight of the results. Wow. I wonder if in Brazil if they don't just call it a Local Waxing. This definitely warrants further investigation. Enjoy.

Abby Cubey Bikini Pictures Put Busty Filipina Lust in the Ocean Breeze

Whoa, be still my erratically beating ticker. The sight of pinay hottie Abby Cubey and her bodacious curves in a bikini is making me skip a few beats, though I assure you the blood flow seems to be working A-OK.

Abby is back for round two of Malibu seaside shoots with the creepy bottled water company that brings hotties out daily for half-nekkid shoots along the shoreline. That's not the creepy part. In fact, that's the best part. If anything is creepy it's what I'm imagining Abby and I doing in my basement of toys. Though I don't actually have a basement since I live in Los Angeles so we'd just have to pretend to be going down a flight of stairs while actually just entering the hall closet. It's worth it. My toy array is mighty impressive, some imported goods that had to bypass customs due to their possibly violating various Crimes Against Humanity laws coming out of the Hague. Abby, I'll be gentle. But when it's your turn, please promise to do the opposite. Enjoy.