Aubrey Evans Smokeshow In A Sexy Bikini To Pimp Bottled Water Brand

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elliot-wolf - January 10, 2019

I’d give up a kidney just to trade places with Aubrey Evans’ surfboard for a day. If she held me the same way she holds that thing, I’d die the happiest man alive. Which I would be fine with. Because I’d just end up meeting that angel of a woman Aubrey again at her home in heaven. I need to know what’s in the water where she’s from. And is some of it harvested into the same bottle she brought along today? Because if it’s responsible for perfection like her, I may need a sip. Just enough to turn my tummy into something she’ll notice. I think it’s crazy that drinking six-packs doesn’t lead to the kind of six-pack stomach you’d imagine. Now I’m stuck with something that looks more like a keg. Go figure.

Barrel belly aside, I know I’d have a chance of talking my way into Evans’ heart by just being myself. I’ve been studying useless facts since I was old enough to read. My main source of knowledge came from printed facts under Snapple caps. And even if an intellectual tango isn’t her cup of tea, we can talk all the different types of water there are. I’ve drank so many and memorized them all. I’d love to shoot the poop about the taste profile Poland Spring until she offers me a ride on her surfboard.

Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA 

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