esteban-esposito - June 12, 2015
Apple's CEO Tim Cook unveiled a pre-installed feature of the new iPhone update called the Sexual Activity menu which allows you to log details about your sex life into your phone so the creeps at the NSA have to use less imagination. This way when you lose your phone on the subway you get to have a full on medical grade panic attack instead of the regular gnawing feeling of impending doom.
Included in the features are the time of day you had sex and whether or not you used prophylactics. There's also a Notes field where you can plot your self esteem against how many vodka tonics you had and how much hair your mate left on your pillow in angstrom units. It's unclear why anyone would want to employ this feature unless they're a Kim Kardashian type who likes keeping their private affairs loosely guarded and then basking in the attention once they inevitably see the light of day. There are some things you don't want on the iCloud. Namely anything remotely personal. It's not a cloud, it's a bunch of hard drives in a warehouse. That's the opposite of cloud. Why am I looking at my phone to tell me I'm aroused? Time to go back to the 2002 Blackberry. Apple's starting to get weird.