Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Dunzo; Angie and I Request You Leave Us Alone During Our Rebound Sessions

Sadly, according to TMZ, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have called it quits after so many years in a marriage people couldn't believe lasted. While only married for two years, Hollywood's A-list couple were together another ten years before that.

But now that's over. And each must go their separate ways, into the arms of comfort wherever that may be. If Angelina has chosen, which I'm not confirming, to expel her demons and divorce angsts in my arms and legs and crotchal regions until I beg for a break of just five minutes, those demons must be expelled. I like to think of myself as The Giving Tree, if the Giving Tree was consistently horny and never said no to demeaning sex. 

In this time of healing, Angie and I request that you respect the bounds of privacy. If you do happen to catch us in a non-stop scrumping session on the 23rd floor of the Hotel Bonaventure downtown, please be kind and promise only to submit to tabloids those photos not revealing my bare ass. I'm sensitive. Focus on Angelina. She'll be the one naked for 75 straight hours screaming like a Banshee and calling Room Service asking for a big plate of sex. Remember, there are children involved in this life's hiccup. Respect. Enjoy.

_{Photo Credit: Splash}