Amanda Bynes Announces Return (VIDEO)

After three years cloistered at the Southern California Fashion Institute, Amanda Bynes proudly declared herself three years sober. Also she knows how to sew and make patterns. Any recovering addict knows better than to rank their accomplishments.

Bynes conducted her first interview in many years since her multiple vehicular crimes, chucking her drug paraphernalia out of hi-rise windows, and lighting her dog on fire to signal the imaginary rescue planes to drop a net. She chose some chick from a blog outlet that would only smile and act like everything Bynes said made sense. Including the parts where Bynes talked about her return to television, which clearly sounded like something she was making up in her head:

“I do miss acting and I actually have something surprising to tell you, I’m going to start acting again... I want to do TV, maybe a few guest spots on some shows that I’m a fan of and maybe another TV show that I’m the star of it.”

By way of hints, after your first two psychiatric holds, don't ever lead with "I have something surprising to tell you." We can no longer be surprised. That TV gig sure sounds certain. Don't sell the sewing machine just yet.

Amanda Bynes is another wash out in a string of child actors put through the grinder by their parents who twenty years later on during the DUIs, 5150s, drug arrests, and suicides will claim they only lightly encouraged what their kid wanted for themselves. Because age five is when you want kids to start making life altering decisions for themselves. Money grubbing bastards. You're on the hook for all the off the rack slightly mis-sewn clothes nobody buys.

_{Photo Credit: Splash News}