Whenever performers or entertainers or models go by one name, I'm always forced to think, did they really earn that distinction or are they just claiming it. Kendall Jenner wants to be known simply as Kendall. Sorry, dear, you've got maybe a decade of being a supermodel before you earn the right to own the new age suburban girls name. But, now, there's the case of an L.A. model who goes by River. Just, River. Before I could even get into my judgmental phase on the naming, I ran into her photos shot by Darren Ankenman for Purple Magazine. Wow. Damn. And a few other phrases I can't recite because of the grade schoolers who read this cite from P.S 137 in Brooklyn. Hey, little fellas!
River is such a fine specimen of natural young blonde hottie model beauty, she could call herself Nixon and I'd be fine with it. Heck, I'd get a tattoo saying 'me and Nixon XOXOXO forever'. I am heels over head in lust with this ingenue and her spectacularly nature made female form. Well done, River. I am thinking of at least seventeen different naughty puns involving your name as we speak. I'd love to share them with you as we take pictures in my Red Roof Inn suites and delight in experiencing the teachings of my new book, Tantric Orgasm in Five Minutes or Less. It's Tantric for busy people. River, let's get on this. Enjoy.