Oh, my Polish sweetheart, how perfect are you funbags? That’s rhetorical. Everything on, near, or loosely connected to the stunning beauty and my future fourth wife Monika Jagaciak are simply stunning. Including her ta-ta’s on display in this Sam Crawford photoshoot for the love of all things holy moly hotness, Batman.
Monika is just one fine female form wrapped in a passion inducing banner of Polski allure. I’m pretty sure that’s the first line on her resume. Or it ought to be. Or just leer deep into her black and white sandy topless goodness and imagine how much nicer beach days are when you bring along a smoking hot topless Polish model friend. I’m imagining it right now. Somebody get me a sombrero, there are children around. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Sam Crawford
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I’m pretty sure you asked for it, either way, you got it. The official release of the Courtney Stodden sex tape through our friends at Vivid.com purveyors of all things celebrity sex tape. I’d like to say I didn’t see this coming when we first met Courtney Stodden as a sixteen year old brie, but, I did. I can’t claim high powers of clairvoyance on that forecast. It just seemed to be inevitable. And thankfully so.
In the tape, Courtney Stodden teases in lingerie, removes her clothes, touches herself in ways that would get you kicked out of Catholic school, and pouts and moans. The tape is ostensibly made for the benefit of her husband, but he’s not going to be the one to buy a million copies, so, you know. you can be the first on your block to get the Courtney Stodden sex tape at Vivid. You’ll be the toast of the next neighborhood watch meeting. Tell them what you’ve been watching! Enjoy.
Photo/Video Credit: Vivid
And, the topless more fun version, if you so choose:
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There just might be a glimpse of nipple in this photoshoot of the young and lovely Willa Holland. You know how the sight of nipples drives grown men to madness and turns boys into, well, grown men who then go mad. Something like that according to the Puritanical censors who find the human female body so worrisome and vexing, as opposed to just awesome and amazing like those of us who congregate here daily.
Willa Holland seems like she’s been around a while now thanks to her early start on The O.C., but she’s a mere sextastic pup, still working her way through some TV show parts and some off-kilter pictorials that, again, may include a glimpse of her nipple. I’d invite you to look for yourself. Heck, pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable. If you’ve got something better to do I’d certainly like to hear it. Find the Willa nipple, so much better than Trivial Pursuit. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Justin Tyler Close
I actually get a powerful, unpleasant feeling when I miss the sight of a fine woman with outrageously splendid knockers. The doctors are still studying the cause of this reaction, but I like to refer to it simple as Funbag Longing. As the way I have felt for a while now about Sammy Braddy
, the Britty brunette hottie wonder whose lovely melons have the power to heal all that ails mankind. This man in particular.
We haven’t seen Sammy and her Funions of joy in some time now, but this black and white lingerie striptease spread really brings all those old feelings rushing back into my old feelings container. I can point to it on the stranger danger doll if you like. Sammy just oozes allure and motorboating fantasies out of her fine inch of her female form. She looks good in lingerie. She looks even better out of lingerie. I don’t ever want her to go away again. I’m thinking tall fence, but I’d have to go pre-fab at Home Depot. If I don’t tell them what it’s for, perhaps they’ll help install. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Sammy Braddy
Do you happen to love the latest news on the fasters new concept and showcase cars from the world’s leading performance automakers? How about when the news is brought to you by the lovely stripping nekkid anchors of Naked News? Yep, I thought so. Cars and hot girls have gone together since cars were first invented. I’m not sure what hot girls rolled around on before cars, but probably whatever the rich dudes were driving.
Check out the latest NSFW episode of Naked News: Wheelz! to see Andrea Sully baring her healthy blonde news anchor body to start your own engines. It really is the superior way to get your news, entertainment, and fast super car reports. Nobody leave Naked News uniformed.
The good unclothed girls at Naked News are also offering a 7-Day Free Trial subscription to Egotastic! Readers because they know you will love their product. I’m a big fan. But, I do happen to like all things sextastic models and striptease. Perhaps your prefer pottery. No judging. Enjoy.
I hesitate to call anyone the perfect woman. I mean, I completely would and quite often when trying to win their affection by any means necessary in their presence, but just between you and I, our sacred gentleman ogler bond, I hate to use any superlatives. Sextastic is in the eye of the luster. Having said that, if you were to be stranded for ten years on a desert island with but one woman to gawk, leer, and make many babies with, you could do entirely far worse than Colombian en fuego model Diana Mesa.
Featured quite topless in this month’s SoHo magazine, Diana shows the simple power of the outrageously alluring woman in nothing but her tiny pair of panties. It’s a simple, but infinite power truly. Im sure there’s some better way in Spanish of saying, I must have or I will die, but that pretty much sums up my feelings. Diana, we need to so much more of you, pronto. That’s English and Spanish, a precursor to how own bodies will one day unite as one in the language of love. I’m going to start taking multivitamins just to be ready. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Soho Magazine
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You know how much I am into lovely Britty bird Hayley-Marie Coppin and her nearly unparalleled expertise in the dramatic striptease arts. There’s almost nothing Hayley-Marie can’t strip out of with the greatest of ease and the maximum of induced passion on the part of the viewer. In this blonde hot homage to bondage, Hayley even figure out how to get herself out of her clothes before the handcuffs went on, rendering her unable to reveal her lithesome topless form. That’s called pro-active thinking.
Restrained Elegance certainly knows how to handle the natural ta-ta goodness of Hayley-Marie though I might need some kind of restraint myself. Maybe a collar or a leash or just a leather chew toy. I don’t actually believe in restraint though I suppose when you’re tied up that becomes less important. Hayley, I really wish I had the key to your cuffs so I could swallow it in front of you. You don’t release something as sextastic as a topless Hayley-Marie Coppin. There’s a good chance she’ll actually leave. This is how it happened with my last three girlfriends. I have abandonment by hot women in their panties issues. Hayley, hold me. Enjoy.
Photo Credit: Restrained Elegance
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