All Stars

Miss BumBum Competition Uses A and T to Determine a Winner, Hint, It’s You

2014 Miss BumBum Competition Flashes Booty and Boobs in Brazil
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The actual winner was Indianara Carvalho. She’s second from the right in the main image. But I like to think the entire world wins when the round bootied girls of Brazil take to the stage to name the best asstastic in class and throw in some funbag baring exhibition just to add a little spice to the rump roast dish. Oh, sure, some might find a pageant precisely formed to find the finest seat cushioned girl in all twelve villages a bit anachronistic and not up to the dignified levels of the Miss America pageant for example. But then those people haven’t been watching the Miss America pageant recently. Plus, they obviously hate lady butts so I’m not sure we could ever get along.

The Miss BumBum contest is a fine long standing Brazilian tradition. Why not get rid of hula dancers in Hawaii or half-dressed girls on ice during NHL breaks? Perish the thought. Miss BumBum stays, along with the rest of those skin baring elegant traditions. Let us not forsake our roots, or, worse yet, deny hot women the chance to flash their fun bits. A chill just ran up my spine. Enjoy.

Ayaka Yuzuki No Clothes and One Lucky Bed, What Happens Next Will Blow You Away

Ayaka Yuzuki Sexy Topless Bedroom Photoshoot
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Oh, man, how I hate those What Happens Next clickbaits on the Internet. I’m never blown away. If you’re going to at least have a chance at blowing people’s minds with a simple click, why not give them something to see like, oh, a stella fine Asian glamour model doing naughty striptease fun things to a bedroom you may only find in your dreams. Consider yourself at least partially mind blown.

Ayaka Yuzuki is our latest fantasy girl from our travels to the Far East. If only it were the Near East. Like, really super near so you could feel her breath on your shoulder. C’mon, tectonic plates, work with me here. What Ayaka does in this boudoir pictorial, and to a little red chair, well, if you’re not  a long time fan of ridiculously alluring Asian girls with no clothes on, consider yourself  new fan. Converting souls one day at a time, that’s really my life’s calling. Enjoy.

Dakota Johnson Topless and 50 Shades of Wet and Shimmering on Italian Beach Holiday!

'50 Shades' Star Dakota Johnson Goes Topless in Italy
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Today seems to be shaping up rather nicely, with some alluring shapes that now includes the bare funbags of soon to be big time star Dakota Johnson frolicking topless through the shoreline water of Italy. While Dakota is known for some minor work and modeling and being Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson’s daughter, once 50 Shades of Grey comes out at Valentine’s expect her starring submissive role to rocket her to the top of the media awareness charts. And now you can say you’ve ogled her sweet tender funbags. Though I wouldn’t share that with your lady should you happen to be going to see this movie on Feb 14 of next year.

Short of perhaps making the sexy, my favorite backdrop for au natural ta-ta reveals might just be in and out of the waters of the topless beach. There’s just something magical when you add in the sun and the water and the happy beach fun time splashes. Dakota Johnson and her untouched by 90210 perfect peaches are certain to be circling your libido like a pinball tagging every bumper. Soak it in, remember this moment, and be happy you chose Egotastic over Forbes this morning. Enjoy.

Jessica Davies Topless Selfies a Sextastic Salv for a Mammarial Monday

Jessica Davies Topless Bikini Selfies
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I firmly, but tenderly believe that boobs can save the world. Funbags are designed for two explicit purposes. To engender mating and calm nerves. I don’t see what other types of medicines or cures we could ever need as a people. Sedate and calm and making many babies. That’s how I imagine Utopia, you know, provided I’m heavily involved in that reproductive process and primarily with girls as fine and as buxom bodacious as Jessica Davies, kind enough to provide peeks at her sweet blessed peaks from within arms lengths.

Selfies really have become a double edged sword. There are the constant and tired mugs of your friends on Facebook and Kris Jenner, then there are hallelujah for technology moments like Jessica flashing her own hooters. I suppose that is the nature of all inventions and innovations, they can be used for good or bad. Jessica, these are very very good. Enjoy.

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Stella Maxwell Nekkid Topless Beach Preening for Stylish Film Short (VIDEO)

Stella Maxwell Topless in Mariano Vivanco Short Film 'La Playita'
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Maybe it’s just me, but I dig hot young blonde trending models when they start prancing around the beach nekkid in some stylized mini-movie. They really need to make more of these kinds of short films by celebrity photographer Mariano Vivanco who captures the pure beauty of Irish-Belgian model Stella Maxwell in her various stages of dressed and undressed ingenue status. Monochromatic makes everything artistic; hot blessed funbags on a world caliber model makes everything that much better.

Stella Maxwell has a very bright future indeed. Her willingness, nay, excitement, to participate in flesh-filled dreamscapes of the digital kind make my mouth water with anticipation. Maybe that’s not my mouth. Somebody lay down the plastic sheets, the boiler is about to go. Oh, Stella. Stella! Just so damn alluring. Enjoy.

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Lara Stone Topless Natural Hotness No Touch Ups, Just Gifts from Heaven

Lara Stone Topless Pictorial for System Magazine
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Lara Stone don’t need no Photoshop to look her most exquisitely alluring. The Dutch supermodel had a baby not long ago and decided that since she’s so damn fine why not take a topless photoshoot of her own goodness with no re-touching of photos after the fact. This is a new line of pictorial genres of which I most approve. Sort of an anti-Kardashian anti-fashion magazine airbrushing statement by way of stellar bare funbags. How could I not approve?

Appearing in System magazine, Lara Stone does benefit from some genetically superior gifts that do allow her to make such bold visual statements without concerns of being anything but passion radiant. Oh, that luscious even more curvaceous MILFtastic body on this Dutch treat. I think it’s a grand idea that the entire roster of the world’s best looking women remove their clothes and support this un-Photoshopped movement. I volunteer to take the pictures. Or just charcoal sketches if I have to peep through a window as usual. Enjoy.

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Ancilla Tilia Topless Playboy Photoshoot For TGIF Dutch Treats

Ancilla Tilia Topless Playboy Photoshoot
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We just met her on Monday in the Boob Tube Roundup, but Dutch blonde hottie Ancilla Tilia made quite an impression on many of you, so how could I not end the week by sharing her fully faptastic photos from her sole pictorial with Playboy. Just one wicked sextastic young blonde lady in glasses and no top behind the wheel of her car. Maybe wooden shoes, I didn’t really notice.

Hotties Like Ancilla Topless and Playing Around on Playboy.TV Free For One Week Trial!

It’s pictorials like these that remind me just how powerful are the lady loving dreams rattling around the male libido. Sure, the entire world of women doesn’t look quite as good perhaps as Ancilla whilst buck nekkid behind the steering wheel, but the raw power contained in the female lady goodness is something we men are loathe to admit has complete control over any of our perceived defenses. We are but your humble servants, though at times you fail to recognize your power. Damn, I might have given away some trade secrets. Thank God It’s Funbags!