All Stars

Miss Bumbum Finalist Claudia Alende Homages Kim Kardashian Nekkid Shoot


You know you've at least partially broken the Internet when you have Brazilian butt contest girls biting your photoshoots. Love it or hate it, the Kim Kardashian Paper Magazine nekkid shoot has made an impression around the globe. Thus we find Claudia Alende of Miss BumBum Brazil contest doing her best to imitate the now infamous set of forward, sideway, and butt-ways views of the lightly to not-dressed at all Kim.

Hmm. I need some time to ponder this one. It's bizarre, yet mesmerizing. A bit oaky in its aroma. Yes, I think I like it. I'm not suggesting that every Brazilian girl with a large keester try their own version of these shiny bottom poses, but I'm also thinking if that did happen that wouldn't be such a horrible thing. Is it possible that Kim Kardashian has done something positive for this world? That needs a lot more time to ruminate. Enjoy.

Dorith Mous Topless Nekkid Edgy in Black and White


Dutch model Dorith Mous is known for her unique look and edgy personality when compared to some of the Wonder Breads in the fashion modeling world. Not that there's anything wrong with Wonder Bread, it got me through several years of my life. But Dorith is known for her smoking, piercings, tough girl persona that allures many photographers such as Mario Kroes to want to shoot her looking nekkid but powerful. I get that because I find all nekkid women to be powerful. Just by way of exercise, trying saying no to a  request from one sometime. I know, you can't.

Black and white makes everything artistic. You tell your significant other that please but not that you heard it from me. Anything monochromatic has instant cultural street cred. Especially smoking hot Dutch girls smoking nekkid in bed. For sure, them. Ah, art, you are at some small instances so very helpful to the gentleman ogler. Enjoy.

Adriana Lima Topless Pictures for Pirelli, Start Your Engines, Gentlemen Oglers


The annual Pirelli Calendar is out for it's fiftieth year. While there was a modern day attempt to stylize up the annual wall calendar tribute to hot models showing skin in hot locales, this year seems to be a return to the glory days of the calendar, including world class model sextastic Adriana Lima flashing her Brazilian yams for the love of all things visual wonderment.

Some people might say the day and age of the topless hot model calendar are behind us. That it's a product of the last century that perhaps ought to be discontinued for the sake of progress and new social values. I say, c'mon, January 1st!  I've got about 15 calendars here just waiting to be opened up! Sometimes, the old ways are still the best ways. Enjoy.

Miss BumBum Competition Uses A and T to Determine a Winner, Hint, It’s You


The actual winner was Indianara Carvalho. She's second from the right in the main image. But I like to think the entire world wins when the round bootied girls of Brazil take to the stage to name the best asstastic in class and throw in some funbag baring exhibition just to add a little spice to the rump roast dish. Oh, sure, some might find a pageant precisely formed to find the finest seat cushioned girl in all twelve villages a bit anachronistic and not up to the dignified levels of the Miss America pageant for example. But then those people haven't been watching the Miss America pageant recently. Plus, they obviously hate lady butts so I'm not sure we could ever get along.

The Miss BumBum contest is a fine long standing Brazilian tradition. Why not get rid of hula dancers in Hawaii or half-dressed girls on ice during NHL breaks? Perish the thought. Miss BumBum stays, along with the rest of those skin baring elegant traditions. Let us not forsake our roots, or, worse yet, deny hot women the chance to flash their fun bits. A chill just ran up my spine. Enjoy.

Ayaka Yuzuki No Clothes and One Lucky Bed, What Happens Next Will Blow You Away


Oh, man, how I hate those What Happens Next clickbaits on the Internet. I'm never blown away. If you're going to at least have a chance at blowing people's minds with a simple click, why not give them something to see like, oh, a stella fine Asian glamour model doing naughty striptease fun things to a bedroom you may only find in your dreams. Consider yourself at least partially mind blown.

Ayaka Yuzuki is our latest fantasy girl from our travels to the Far East. If only it were the Near East. Like, really super near so you could feel her breath on your shoulder. C'mon, tectonic plates, work with me here. What Ayaka does in this boudoir pictorial, and to a little red chair, well, if you're not  a long time fan of ridiculously alluring Asian girls with no clothes on, consider yourself  new fan. Converting souls one day at a time, that's really my life's calling. Enjoy.

Dakota Johnson Topless and 50 Shades of Wet and Shimmering on Italian Beach Holiday!


Today seems to be shaping up rather nicely, with some alluring shapes that now includes the bare funbags of soon to be big time star Dakota Johnson frolicking topless through the shoreline water of Italy. While Dakota is known for some minor work and modeling and being Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson's daughter, once 50 Shades of Grey comes out at Valentine's expect her starring submissive role to rocket her to the top of the media awareness charts. And now you can say you've ogled her sweet tender funbags. Though I wouldn't share that with your lady should you happen to be going to see this movie on Feb 14 of next year.

Short of perhaps making the sexy, my favorite backdrop for au natural ta-ta reveals might just be in and out of the waters of the topless beach. There's just something magical when you add in the sun and the water and the happy beach fun time splashes. Dakota Johnson and her untouched by 90210 perfect peaches are certain to be circling your libido like a pinball tagging every bumper. Soak it in, remember this moment, and be happy you chose Egotastic over Forbes this morning. Enjoy.

Jessica Davies Topless Selfies a Sextastic Salv for a Mammarial Monday


I firmly, but tenderly believe that boobs can save the world. Funbags are designed for two explicit purposes. To engender mating and calm nerves. I don't see what other types of medicines or cures we could ever need as a people. Sedate and calm and making many babies. That's how I imagine Utopia, you know, provided I'm heavily involved in that reproductive process and primarily with girls as fine and as buxom bodacious as Jessica Davies, kind enough to provide peeks at her sweet blessed peaks from within arms lengths.

Selfies really have become a double edged sword. There are the constant and tired mugs of your friends on Facebook and Kris Jenner, then there are hallelujah for technology moments like Jessica flashing her own hooters. I suppose that is the nature of all inventions and innovations, they can be used for good or bad. Jessica, these are very very good. Enjoy.