Sam Robeson - July 8, 2017
While hanging out on a yacht in Ibiza, Alicia Vikander flaunts her new body ahead of her role as a sixteen-year-old male Olympic diver. Or as the white Serena Williams. The details are still under wraps. The future Ms. Lara Croft is intended to be a younger, less sexualized version of a movie character immortalized by Angelina Jolie's big tits. But the Oscar-winning Vikander is never one to half ass a role. Why be a young fuckable tomb raider when you can look like your biggest worry is where to hide your jizz sock so your mom won't find it after soccer practice.
The paps caught the bikini-clad Vikander soaking up the sun alongside boyfriend Michael Fassbender. He watched Friday Night Lights and thought " I want that. But with a vagina." Vikander's look is in stark contrast to the forty pound naked robot she played in Ex-Machina. She's graduated to being the Terminator. In a polka dot bikini.
Media sites are touting Vikander's buff bod, using words like "toned" and "athletic." Few variations of thinness are starved of praise. Except for Tara Reid. You can't look like the product of a drunk night between a gnarled Barbie and Silly Putty. Tomb Raider producers wanted a feminist hero who would translate well to body positive millennials. But feminists can't look like women. Jolie's Lara Croft was obviously a prostitute. Vikander is the future of sexy. Sturdy and able to take a punch.
Photo Credit: Splash News