Sam Robeson - March 29, 2017
Set pictures of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft are here. Lara wears sensible cargo pants, which means she’s a feminist. Or maybe she’s a lesbian, if you find a distinction. Guys who first jacked off to Lara’s cone tits in the original 1996 Tomb Raider game might prefer Angelina Jolie’s Lara Croft from the 2001 and 2003 movies. But sexualizing a woman merely for the purposes of tugging one out isn’t cool anymore. Masturbate to female empowerment, which can’t include booty shorts and big boobs.
2001’s Lara Croft: Tomb Raider made critics take their own lives, but it banked over $131M. Jon Voight’s appearance gave the movie credibility, but that was before it was more common knowledge that made squirrel stew but never ate it. After calling his daughter a psycho, he didn’t return for 2003’s Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life. That didn’t help the movie. Award season favorite Alicia Vikander aims to elevate Lara from the quasi-feminist pixelated prostitute of yesteryear to a modern day dyke. Alicia told Vanity Fair that Croft is “a model for many young women.” Tomb raiding does seem more likely than the hard sciences.
Set for release in March of 2018, Tomb Raider follows the plot of the 2013 video game of the same name. That version debuted a younger, less curvy Lara Croft. The 28-year-old Alicia has one of those things going for her. Making a female sex symbol as young as possible without coming across specifically as a child? We've come so far.
Photo credit: Graham Bortholomew
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