Alec Baldwin’s Stalker Ain’t All That Bad Looking

Okay, granted, she probably had lots of plans involving sacrificial knives and ropes and torture and hobbling with mallets and such, but as far as stalkers go, Alec Baldwin's crazy-arse Cannuckian actress chick, Genevieve Sabourin, well, you could do worse in a stalker.

Let me tell you about Ricky. My one and only ever stalker. Imagine Fred Savage from The Wonder Years all grown up, but with the same little Fred Savage kid head on a very large, wide body grownup. Now add a 'In My Universe, I Am the King' sweat-stained T-shirt. And, you have some idea about Ricky, whose master plan was to rub his boogers on me, which, for the record, is far worse than being dismembered.

Thankfully, as I imagine is the failsafe for most of my stalkers, Ricky was arrested in a sweep of the public park as he was quite openly rubbing himself up against a tree stump. From there, it was a quick 5150 to long term care, into a room without corners, where I suspect Ricky is building his booger stash for the time when he is finally recognized as king.

All I'm saying is, Alec, you could do a lot worse.