bill-swift - June 19, 2012
Chris Brown took some time out from punching women and allegedly got into a fight with Drake. The two rappers have been beefing for a while and came to blows in a Manhattan club. Chris Brown is apparently pissed at Drake for plowing Rhianna. Feuds between rappers is nothing new. In the early days of hip hop, rappers in the Bronx used to have rap battles where they talked about each others mamas and stuff. In the 90's, a war of words between Tupac and Biggie Smalls led to the tragic death of both of them. Fortunately, most rap rivalries are just kind of...dumb. Here are 5 of the stupidest rap beefs of all time.
Eminem and Triumph, The insult Comic Dog
Eminem is no stranger to talking mad crap about other people, (just ask his ex-wife and mom). But like a classic bully, he can dish it out but can't take it. Only, the person he got mad at was not a person, he was a dog. Actually, it wasn't even a dog. It was a dog puppet. Triumph is a potty-mouthed puppet operated by Robert Smigel. Triumph first became famous on the Conan O'Brien show for crashing the Westminster Dog Show. At the MTV awards in 2002, Triumph was heading Eminem's way to make fun of him for being a ridiculous piece of Detroit White trash. Eminem got pissed and had his bodyguards smack Triumph away. Later in the song, Ass Like That, Eminem talks smack about Smigel's hand. Relax Marshall, it's a friggin' rubber dog.
MC Hammer and Jay-Z
Back in the day, MC Hammer and his ridiculous pants were the biggest stars in the world. Then he pissed all his money and fame away and became a born-again Christian pastor. Jay-Z later commented in the song So Appalled that, "Hammer went broke so you know I'm more focused/I lost 30 mil' so I spent another 30/'Cause unlike Hammer 30 million can't hurt me'." Kind of mean, Sean. So, Hammer retaliated by accusing Jay-Z of being a member of the evil Illuminati that secretly runs the world. Apparently the guy who became famous for rapping over the original cast album to Annie is part of a secret cabal that is pushing a Satanic agenda. Hammer...don't hurt 'em.
Common and Drake
You've been a bad boy, Drake. Common made fun of Drake in his song Sweet, saying that Drake is diluting rap by singing and being about as gangsta as Tiger Woods. Drake hit back with Stay Schemin', saying he's straight up hood. Not to take sides, but Common has a point. First of all, Drake is from Toronto, Canada - Enough said. Secondly, Drake first became famous as a cast member of the Canadian teen drama Degrassi: The Next Generation. If he was in his early teens when the show started, when exactly was he a gangbanger? In Junior High? Common then called Drake out by name in a remix of Stay Schemin' and called him Canada Dry. That's funny.
Coolio and "Weird Al" Yankovic
"Weird Al" made a career out of taking popular songs and spoofing them. Who can forget Eat it or Like a Surgeon? In 1996, "Weird Al" did a parody of Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise. Al turned it into a tune about Mennonites called Amish Paradise. Coolio flipped his goofy braids over the song and called Al out. He claimed that Al didn't have permission to use the song because it was "too serious and important". It was for the Michelle Pfeiffer movie Dangerous Minds, so pump the brakes Coolio. Al's record company emphatically stated that they not only got permission but also paid Coolio. This makes sense as if they had used it without permission, Coolio would have sued. Instead, he thought it would make him look like a bad ass by making fun of the guy who sang My Bologna.
Lil' Kim and Nicki Minaj
Let's face it, they are both pretty ridiculous. Lil' Kim is famous for talking about her vagina and showing her boobies. Nicki Minaj is best known for pretending to be possessed by multiple spirits and showing her her boobies. According to Kim, Nicki ripped off her entire style. I thought they both dressed like slutty Madri Gras floats, but that's just me. Nicki retaliated by saying in her song Monster, "So let me get this straight, wait, I'm the rookie? But my features and my shows 10 times your pay?" Kim replied that she was going to erase Nicki's social security number. Apparently, Kim is a master hacker than can change government files. That's a federal offense, Kim. They would tear you up in prison.