Gaming’s Whacked Out Week: Good News, ‘The Forest’ Features Zombies, Topless Women AND Turtles

And as you all know, if there’s one thing we love around here, it’s… turtles.

Now, when buying your next fancy-ass electronic doohickey, you may decide to check out a customer review or two first. If you’re lucky, you’ll actually discover something of use, from someone genuinely wanting to advise other would-be purchasers of the craptastic or otherwise of said product.

Conversely, if you’re not lucky, you’ll just get some cheeky bastard having a laugh. Amazon is great for this, with five star and one star ratings side by side to demonstrate how all-round effing useless the whole feature is. Do we buy those pube straighteners or not? How can we know? Tell it to us straight, Amazon dudes.

On a similar level of useless-yet-hilarious dumbassery, we have Steam reviews. Survival horror title The Forest recently hit the service via Early Access, and Kotaku brought us a in-depth study of players’ opinions so far. But only the stupid freaking stupid ones, naturally.
Our personal favorite? ‘Nearly died IRL because a suspicious-looking rock in a cave scared me while I was eating Doritos. I’m only recommending this because it has turtles.’

Hit the link for more, including that which we already knew: being killed by a woman with no shirt is infinitely better than being killed by a man with no pants.