And as you all know, if there’s one thing we love around here, it’s... turtles.
Now, when buying your next fancy-ass electronic doohickey, you may decide to check out a customer review or two first. If you’re lucky, you’ll actually discover something of use, from someone genuinely wanting to advise other would-be purchasers of the craptastic or otherwise of said product.
Conversely, if you’re not lucky, you’ll just get some cheeky bastard having a laugh. Amazon is great for this, with five star and one star ratings side by side to demonstrate how all-round effing useless the whole feature is. Do we buy those pube straighteners or not? How can we know? Tell it to us straight, Amazon dudes.
On a similar level of useless-yet-hilarious dumbassery, we have Steam reviews. Survival horror title The Forest recently hit the service via Early Access, and Kotaku brought us a in-depth study of players’ opinions so far. But only the stupid freaking stupid ones, naturally.
Our personal favorite? ‘Nearly died IRL because a suspicious-looking rock in a cave scared me while I was eating Doritos. I’m only recommending this because it has turtles.’
Hit the link for more, including that which we already knew: being killed by a woman with no shirt is infinitely better than being killed by a man with no pants.