I’ve really missed Eva Longoria. I’m not exactly sure where she’s been of late, but we’ve seen little of the most eligible bachelorette of late, which makes me sad, as a child who has dropped his ice cream cone on the ground. For any time we lose sight of our eye candy, it’s a melancholy time. Especially when that candy is sultry and Latina and single and hot and leggy and showing off her gams in a summer dress in Hollywood.
Oh, Eva, the things we would do together. Like expensive shopping trips where I’d suddenly forget my wallet and you’d have to pay for all the beautiful lingerie I was treating you too. We would have so much fun seeing just how passion inducing you could be with just your shapely calves running across my good touch bad touch regions. Eva, now that you’re back in town, call me. Let’s get a Starbucks and some organic lubricants. Enjoy.