Most people want to come back as a king or some pro athlete or some big shot, I want to come back as the inflatable pool raft that Claudia Romani and her shiny thumper was molesting with her bikini body over the weekend in Miami. That lucky bit of Made in China blow up toy got super blown up by Claudia in multiple bikinis rubbing to and fro atop it from beak to tail. Yes, I am jealous of a piece of plastic.
Someday, when the laws are more progressive and righteous, Claudia’s killer tush and I will be wedded in holy matrimony for up to eighteen months. At some point on our honeymoon, I will request that Claudia give me the ‘swan treatment’. She’ll smile because she’ll know exactly what I mean. I’ll cry because I’m about to be so happy. Enjoy.