Gwyneth And I Can Finally Stop Hiding Our Love

As you know, I have a thing for super high maintenance women who love to talk nonstop and confidently assert their opinions on everything under the sun. Dream date. So you might see a man like me falling hard for a woman like Gwyneth Paltrow. And in the reverse, you might find Gwyneth trying to get back at an uncaring rock star husband who lives life on the road by doing all sorts of dangerous and perverse acts with a man like me who revels in debauchery and has pre-plastic lined furnishings in his home.

Does that mean that Gwyneth and I were tangled in a coital knot of sweat and self-righteousness even before today’s announcement that she was leaving Chris Martin? I have no comment. Send all inquiries to the amazing castle with splendid pool and spa Gwyneth and I shall be hiding in for the next seven days in Morocco. Also, if somebody could look out for Apple and that other one, that’d be great. Thanks.

You can read more about the Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin pending divorce on WWTDD.

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