Selena Gomez and Her Bare-Midriff Need My Help Now More than Ever

I think it’s fair to say that I’ve been lusting for Selena Gomez since long before it was either appropriate or healthy. But it’s been consistent and enduring and true. So I feel it’s my time to step in with reports of Selena having personal issues maybe with addictions or just bad relationships, because she still looks like a billion bucks, and I still long to nuzzle her sweaty bits betwixt my NFL licensed bedsheets.

Selena was looking mighty petite fine leaving a dance studio in Sherman Oaks, like she has not a care in the world. Though I know she does. I want to bottle up all of her concerns and make them my own, swallow them whole as I look down into her eyes and we both know without speaking that this is about to be the best two and a half minutes of the rest of our lives. Enjoy.

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