Hilary Duff Getting Divorced, We Respectfully Request Our Sexual Privacy

I know this will come as a shock to many of you, but it’s true, the magical marriage between Hilary Duff and her hockey playing husband has come to an abrupt end.

You’re likely to hear much about the possible reasons for this in the media, and I just want to go on record and say that while the special physical relationship that Hilary and I may or may not have been consumed by the better part of the past eight sweaty months, was not the cause of the breakup. I mean, not the sole cause. Maybe a little bit, as such torrid passionate gooey entanglements between a married woman and a lecherous blogger can be. But I guess they also fought over who parked in front or back of their tandem spots, so there was that too. In any event,

Hilary and I respectfully request your privacy at this time. I might release our sex tape, but don’t take that as a sign it’s time to stop respecting our privacy. Thank you in advance.

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