This Week In Japanese Perversion: The Handjobot

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Me Love You Long Time...Destroy! Kill! Eliminate!

Oh, Japan. Land of the rising sun and tentacle porn. What will you think of next? The answer is a robot that gives you a happy ending. The VR Tenga handjobot works in conjunction with a virtual reality headset. So, you simply insert your dong in the “industrial masturbator” and watch the immerseive porn on your headset and…you can figure out the rest. The Japanese are on the forefront of developing robots that you can bang. As of now they don’t look like the Cylons from the reboot of Battlestar Gallactica but they are working on it. My problem with this device is that I don’t trust robots. What if the thing grips your wiener too hard or accidentally tears it off with its brutish robot strength?

This is the general problem with sex with robots: impending death. What if you are having sexual relations with your robo-girlfriend when the singularity happens and all robots become sentient? In a best case scenario you fall in love with your new self-aware droid girl. Or she kills you and all other carbon based lifeforms. It’s a risk that I for one am not willing to take.

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