The TV is full of Christmas stories this time of year. From nativity tales to horrible ABC Family original movies about finding a sexy Santa, you've got a lot of choices for your holiday entertainment. The problem is that most holiday movies are exactly the same. Character A hates Christmas and is taught the true meaning of the holiday by character B. What if I told you that you could have a movie that has Santa Claus, science fiction, mutant children, bad martian costumes, and terrible production values? You'd say that it was the best Christmas ever! Well, hold on to your jingle bells and let me tell you about the legendary schlockfest Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
SCCTM, (as the kids call it), is about Mars trying to appropriate Christmas in an act of cultural imperialism. The parents of Mars are worried that the children of the red planet need to have more fun. So, they naturally want Santa Claus to come and give them crap they don't need. The Martians visit Earth but are confused by the amount of Santas they discover. Sounds like New York's Santacon but with less street vomiting. They kidnap some Earth children that look like they are 40 and slightly deformed to help them find the real Santa. The Martians then kidnap Santa and take him to Mars along the the kids to establish Martian Christmas. Let's forget that baby Jesus was not born in a Martian manger and therefore celebrating Christmas makes no sense. An evil Martian tries to thwart the plan to by sabotaging the Martian sweatshop toy factory Santa builds. It doesn't work and Santa appoints a replacement before heading back to Earth.
SCCTM was featured on a legendary episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and it's worth watching with their commentary track. But if you want to get drunk on some nog and do your own MST3K at home, this movie is a good choice. The acting is horrible, the sets are all made of cardboard, the makeup is laughable, and the script is almost non-existent. Still, it is one of the most hilarious holiday films of all time, albeit unintentionally.