As we all know damn well, there are some things modern man just doesn't have time for. Waiting for a replacement for a faulty console is one of those things. Who wants to spend an hour trying to articulate their problem to a non-English-speaking customer support staffer? No bastard, that's who. Nuts to it.
It's an issue facing several early adopters of the Xbox One. Gamers are reporting a disk drive problem, described as "frankly, the thing's making a whole ‘effin' lot of noise, right here." With Microsoft offering a free game to those affected, it's quite plainly a widespread issue. So, the question is: have you tried... punching your newly-purchased, $500 console? Punching it real good?
Well, no you haven't, because you're not mad, mad bastards. You're not Dave D, badass renegade dude with no ‘effs to give. Dave and his balls of steel took radical, internet-forum-recommended steps to ‘repair' his defective device. Steps such as, in his own words, ...lift it about a foot above a surface and slam it down three times. What could possibly go wrong?
Said slamming can re-align a loose gear inside the console that's causing the issue, concludes Dave. The man is clearly some kind of technical wizard, so we're inclined to believe him. After all, it worked for Arthur Fonzarelli and his jukebox.