Jessica Alba Is the Sextastic Shape of Halloween

She may desperately try to look like every other mom in the pumpkin patch, but there’s no covering up the uber-sextastic. Sorry Jessica Alba. You’re simply not like every other mom.

When you go to pick out pumpkins, people are going to notice. Gourds are going to swell. When you pull your little wagon behind you, some of us can’t help but imagine you are towing us back to your place for a forced mating session because you desire seventeen more babies. This is the dream. As prurient and as wrong as it is to have about the family friendly pumpkin patch. Jessica Alba, you are the Halloween trick and the treat. Pick me, please. Enjoy.

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