If you found CJ waving his pixelated erection around in the infamous Hot Coffee mod arousing (which you TOTALLY did), your ‘nads probably weren’t prepared for the strip club of Grand Theft Auto V. You can’t touch the ladies within for fear of some punchy justice from the bouncer (as Conan O’Brien discovered to his chagrin), but they have actual nipples now. Oh yes. It’s raunchtacular in every sense of the non-word.
Needless to say, encouraging a virtual, psychopathic, homicidal, bank-robbing drug dealer to flirt with the virtual T&A (now with visible T!) gyrating on his lap is pretty damn close to as sexy as it gets. This is the very pinnacle of sexy. This is sexy nirvana. There are no sexy brakes on this sexy train as it speeds towards Sexy Town.
Except no, no it isn’t, and we’re taking all kinds of the piss here. Alas, this horny horn-dog didn’t get that memo. Destructoid presents this disturbing footage of one Grand Theft Auto Online player, inadvertently leaving his microphone on while attempting to turn on the ‘charm’ for imaginary lap dancers who aren’t there. The above was recorded by others in the game session, who, through bouts of mocking/pitying laughter, felt the need to record the whole affair.