Look, Riddick isn’t the best movie you’ll see all summer. It probably won’t even be in your top ten. But, us critics didn’t exactly hate it because it wasn’t supposed to be the high art film that Man of Steel was slated to be. Instead it was just a simple story about a down-on-his-luck escaped space convict who can see in the dark (truly a genre that hasn’t seen enough screentime) and the variety of complex characters out to get him.
All told, it was a mixed bag that has clearly split the Hollywood literati and will truly split audiences into two very distinct camps of those who prefer straight up unleaded gasoline and those who run on pure f*cking Diesel.
But, there are a few things that everyone can agree on. Five actually. They are:
1. Katee Sackhoff as Dahl the Nordic warrior bounty huntress.
She will always be that hot badass friend of yours who you want to nail…but she consistently calls you a wuss for trying, then punches you in the arm and chugs your pussy-ass under the table. And you still love her. Her character Dahl is no exception . Oh, and spoiler alert: nipple.
2. Vin Diesel knows exactly what he’s doing.
Vin may have been trained on the stage (no, seriously: he was), but he knows exactly where he stands in Hollywood. He has legions of bro-fans and action-fueled folks who will consistently pay to see him be unflinchingly badass. You could wrap it in whatever story or plot you want: Diesel will always be Diesel.
3. Space dogs.
We can all agree on space dogs.
4. It’s no longer enough to merely decapitate someone.
Seriously, you’ve got to warn your enemy a few minutes in advance that you’re going to decapitate them, then you have to check to make sure they understand that you’re going to do that, and then, at the last minute, you have use your toe to kick a space-machete across a room that only half-decapitates them. That’s how it’s done nowadays.
5. Riddick goes balls deep.
Us normal people may agree on that, but what does the cast think?