Emily Ratajkowski and Karlie Kloss Kiss and Reveal Topless Sextastic Wonderments! (But, Ruinous Dude Alert in Photos)

 

I still remember where I was the day I discovered on WebMD that mashed potatoes and gravy wasn’t a central component of a healthy diet as my grandmother had always told me. The levels of betrayal, disappointment, and fatty foodie rage coursed through my very soul. Sort of how I felt when I was informed that my crazy belusted Emily Ratajkowski and my Windy City born international supermodel Karlie Kloss were going to be flashing their breathtaking bare boobtastic in these Bruce Weber photographs on the pages of CR Fashon Book magazine. Then, the whole thing was almost entirely ruined by the presence of topless male models. Topless male models and the people who employ them ruin everything. I’m not saying we should make lists for who to take out when the power grid fails and society breaks down into a blood thirsty wild west show. But, if one had to make a list, male models would have to be somewhere toward the top.

I do so dig Emily Ratajkowski and Karlie Kloss, and seeing them kiss, well, I had to breath into a paper bag for three minutes just to avoid being found passed out on the floor tomorrow morning by the woman who comes to rearrange my sugar cereal boxes once a week for $60. I’ll leave it up to you if you want to view these topless photos, knowing these photos do violate one subsection of our prime directive to exclude males at any and all corners. Enjoy.

(Thanks to EgoReader ‘Brendan’ for the head’s up on these photos. Brendan claims he is the guy who first alerted us to the Emily Ratajkowski tidal wave of passion inducement a couple years ago. Which, if true, means a statue need be erected in his honor. Maybe something made out of the mashed potatoes I’m no longer able to naively consume.)