Kelly Brook and Me Is Still Pretty Raw

Since the breakup of Kelly Brook from her phone sexting two-timing not-unexpected rugby playing fiance, I’ve received a good number of calls from various press and media outlets, not to mention from a charity that claims it’s helping police dogs. Everybody wants confirmation on the salacious rumor that Kelly has turned to my masculine, yet understanding clavicle in this time of her great emotional distress.

And, while I can’t not say that this rumor is false, I can’t not say that it isn’t not true either. Or, to be more specific, I wouldn’t not bet on the fact that I’m not having crazy rounds of backyard grass patch making of the sexy time with the newly single Kelly Brook. But don’t quote me on that. And, if you happen to have a home remedy for skin burn, please send that along as well. Or don’t not send it I should say.

In the meantime, if you want to see Kelly Brook taking off her clothes in space…

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