It’s $?#!ing Official: Ben Affleck is the New Goddamn Batman

Wait...What?

Well, shit. It’s f*cking official. Your next Batman is Ben Affleck. Oscar-having director Ben Goddamn Affleck will be the Dark Knight in the Man of Steel sequel, the possibly-titled Superman vs. Batman. Yeah. Warner Brothers made that announcement on Thursday evening, thus assuring us that our weekend will be spent muttering, ‘Why? Just…why?’

The studio says that Affleck’s Batman will be ‘an entirely new incarnation of the character.’ Which, they must mean, a film incarnation. Not the comic incarnations that those of us nerds know and love.

Director Zack Snyder had the gall to say of the man who starred in both Gigli and Pearl Harbor:

He has the acting chops to create a layered portrayal of a man who is older and wiser than Clark Kent and bears the scars of a seasoned crime fighter, but retain the charm that the world sees in billionaire Bruce Wayne. I can’t wait to work with him.

At least Amy Adams and Diane Lane will be back their respective roles in the film as Superman’s gal pals…so there’s that.  From what I know of the Justice League comics — which is where this whole story is headed– Batman is a sullen d-bag.  So that’s one thing Affleck won’t need to pantomime or whatever.

Summer 2015. It gives us two whole years to continuously lower our expectations.

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