I Really Want to Be Candice Swanepoel’s Thong Adjuster or Tummy Carresser

I still like to remind my high school guidance counselor, Dr. Reed Reid, how I chose not follow the career path his series of complex tests suggested I was best suited — inmate.  Then again, there are so many other jobs I wish I did have that I don’t. I wish I had stayed in school, specifically, the one where they train you to help dress uber-sextastic Candice Swanepoel for bikini and lingerie photoshoots. I would not only go the extra mile on my job, I would walk that mile on my hands and knees just for one chance to snap that thong in proximity to such particularly fine supermodel asstastic.

For emphasis, here’s Candice Swanepoel flashing that same bare midriff in the streets of Manhattan over the weekend. If only I were the guy who got to help guide her into her thong before she left her apartment. Dare to dream. Enjoy.

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