Happy Roswell Day: Why Do Aliens Always Visit Rednecks?

Today is Roswell Day which commemorates the famous Roswell Crash Incident. Google is honoring the occasion with an adorable doodle game. In case you’ve never watched a show on this important moment on The History Channel, in July 1947 a UFO supposedly crash landed on some dude’s land in Roswell, New Mexico. There was debris everywhere and three dead aliens. Several local hicks came to gape slack-jawed at the crash before the army came and took it all away. The newspapers reported a UFO crash but then redacted it with the official government story that it was a weather balloon. In the years since, the Roswell story has become a template for all UFO government cover-up stories. Maybe it happened and maybe it didn’t, but I don’t put the blame for the continued mystery over UFOs on the government. It’s the alien’s fault.

Why are aliens always stopping by and visiting people in the middle of nowhere? It’s always some redneck in rural Arkansas that gets kidnapped and anally probed. I hope they aren’t really taking samples because the American redneck is the genetic equivalent of going to a wine tasting and only drinking the Thunderbird. Why don’t the aliens land their saucers in the middle of Union Square in New York or in downtown LA during rush hour? Then there would be no way for the government to say it was a weather balloon. 66 years on and the only people who believe in UFOs are wackos, sci-fi nerds, conspiracy nutjobs, and the trailer denizens that have been kidnapped. Is that really who the aliens want spreading the word of their visit? Or maybe the aliens themselves are just the cosmic equivalent of White trash and they are just looking for people to drink Natty Light and party with? The mystery continues…

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