God And Nature Try And Erase “The Phantom Menace” From History

Mother nature and God almighty are erasing all that remains of the worst horror in history in a cleansing sandstorm: the Tatooine set from Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. When George Lucas finished shooting his abomination he abandoned several buildings in the sand dunes of Tunisia. The set was Mos Espa, the place where two men in ponytails kidnapped a child from his mother with the help of a racist space rabbit. The sand has been consuming the town for several years now and in the next months may finally blot out this cancer from view. Much like the sandstorms of Biblical and Arabic lore, (or the Sarlaac pit), the desert sands will consume man’s sin.

Some people argue that Attack of the Clones was the worst of the prequels but I have to go with Phantom Menace as the moment my childhood died. The greatest minds of my generation, myself included, waited almost 20 years for this movie. When I first saw it I was in complete denial about how bad it was. But I knew…deep down, I knew how bad it was. Phantom Menace is the worst one because it was the first punch in the face, which besides hurting also felt like a betrayal. The “Et Tu, Lucas” moment, if you will. Perhaps I have too much of an imagination, or this cilantro flavored vodka I’m drinking is messing with my head, but I can’t help but feel that there is another FORCE besides wind covering up what remains of that sh$tty sh$tty movie.

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