Bombs Away! No One Saw ‘White House Down’ Because It Probably Wasn’t Good

Wait, Channing, Didn't They Already Make This Movie?

Numbers are important, especially the numbers of people who spend money to go see a movie. Those numbers are so important, in fact, that they are responsible for the entire form and function of our entire universe. Without them, oceans will rise, dogs and cats will live together, and matter would collapse in on itself in a maelstrom of chaos.

Wait, what? Where were we?

Oh, White House Down. Yeah, it probably wasn’t good. How do we know that? Well, we didn’t see it. But the fact that we didn’t and that no one else did probably means that it wasn’t worth seeing. In it’s first weekend it made about $26 million. Which puts it just below After Earth monetarily and millions below it’s direct competition this weekend: a lady-buddy-cop movie staring Sandra Bullock and a movie about animated monsters at college.

Yeah. Let that sink in: Given the options during a national heat-wave weekend, people chose Bullock and monsters or frying to death outside. Why would they do such a thing? Don’t look at us, we’re just looking at the numbers and numbers don’t lie. Unless of course they do, but we’ll get into that another time.

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