Adam Sandler got attacked by a cheetah. Unfortunately, he lived to tell about it. That's it. Oh, you want details? Fine.
He was on Letterman the other night promoting his new suppurating filmic fistula Grown Ups 2 and relayed an anecdote about getting attacked by a cheetah while on a safari. Why would the world's fastest land mammal want to attack the former SNL star? Shit, where do we begin?
Well, in addition to being incredibly fast, cheetahs are pretty savvy creatures. Much like humans, they were probably on board with his early work and the delightfully off-kilter characters he populated them with. But, sometime around The Wedding Singer, his product started to suffer drastically and it's possible that it was then that the cheetahs probably started to notice.
While his choice of material started to flag, he also began further accelerating his decline by producing unforgivable Rob Schneider vehicles. Fact: friends don't let friends make more than one Deuce Bigelow movie. The cheetahs, while briefly buoyed by his serious turn in Punch Drunk Love, likely completely gave up around 50 First Dates.
Cheetahs don't suffer audience insulting and downright retarded boilerplate rom-coms and were definitely out for blood before the ink was even dry on his Just Go With It contract. Then, all it took was for him to take one step on the savanna. He's lucky he made it out with that smug grin intact.
It's just like that old cheetah saying goes, 'It ain't easy being cheesy.' (Boom. Nailed it.)
(H/T: Daily News)